Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards....

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By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 939

You deserved it 44 874

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By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 354

You deserved it 517

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 449

You deserved it 7 723

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 19:04 - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 968

You deserved it 3 438

Surprise

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 343

You deserved it 4 365

By mathii - 23/07/2011 23:52 - France

Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 779

You deserved it 6 173

Sick moves, bro

By Fish - 19/03/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 302

You deserved it 55 381

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 216

You deserved it 2 477

By anonymous - 10/06/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 740

You deserved it 4 678

By Higgs - 02/06/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 159

You deserved it 6 242

By t - 17/05/2011 03:26

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 773

You deserved it 6 161

Heartless234 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 16:18

Aw that's embarrassing. Hey sometimes I choke on my saliva :D.

mannix_fml 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 16:12

It was mean't to be, dum dum!

Comments

toosoonbreh 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 19:29

#90, that wasn't funny, just perverted.

Funky_T 0

Thursday 13 August 2009 13:26

#90 is just looking for an alternative explanation since #72 (also by toosoonbreh) was such a ******* DUMB COMMENT When u drown u choke on water....therefore u CAN choke on water....and dont come up with some biology bullshit like it cant go down ur trachea because we're talking on a general level here

nodbor 11

Thursday 13 August 2009 1:43

YDI for getting horny and trying to impress by giving head to your water bottle.

hahaohwell 0

Thursday 13 August 2009 9:01

bottled water

ellieex0h 0

Thursday 13 August 2009 19:25

how is this FML? did he not give you the cpr after you choked on your water?

penisface69 17

Thursday 13 August 2009 19:40

i agree with 96

iamelrebel 0

Thursday 13 August 2009 21:54

lol. that's funny! luckily he was right there to help!

toosoonbreh 0

Friday 14 August 2009 2:00

#92, Funky_T, go ******* choke on your own blood since it's so damn possible.

Funky_T 0

Friday 14 August 2009 12:20

#99 calm down dear. It was just a "choke"....HAHAHA Bitch dont get violent and listen to #101 winemysavior.... at least shes got a sense of British humour

deadoff 0

Friday 14 August 2009 4:06

not to be the one killing the humor, you don't give CPR to a choking victim....you give the Heimlich Maneuver or more correctly abdominal thrusts.

lm137 0

Saturday 15 August 2009 20:38

Lotta people going on about CPR not being the correct course of action here...correct procedure (as followed by UK lifeguards) is to encourage coughing if it is possible and effective. If coughing is ineffective or impossible, 5 back slaps should be attempted first, then 5 abdominal thrusts. And CPR could be required if the obstruction was not removed in time and she lost conciousness, although that's likely to dislodge the water anyway.