Intimacy: Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives...

By that girl - 08/04/2014 23:06 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 252

You deserved it 12 662

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 4 447

Knackered

By Karen - 05/03/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, in the middle of sex my boyfriend asked if he could use the bathroom. It would've been fine, if he didn't fall asleep on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 605

You deserved it 3 103

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 897

You deserved it 1 238

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 058

You deserved it 1 445

Shock and awe

By Embarassed Girl - 14/07/2022 02:00

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 802

Go to drunk, you're sleep

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 16:00 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend, who was half asleep at 3 am, saying he was yelling my name because he needed toilet paper. We don’t even live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 122

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 1 522

By TheMissMuffly - 31/07/2012 15:53 - United States - Monmouth

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 832

You deserved it 53 155

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 4 495

By whatchagonnado - 24/03/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 8 896

thee_most_dope 30

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:19

again??? how many times has this happened before?!

BadApple88 29

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:18

Be more specific next time

Comments

BadApple88 29

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:18

Be more specific next time

SpunkyyyMonkeyy 10

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:25

I remember when my 13 year old dog looked like the puppy in your picture. :D

xBeats 15

Wednesday 9 April 2014 10:16

No one cares.

saba_ajira 29

Wednesday 9 April 2014 12:44

That's something you use the message system for

ThatOneGuy719 16

Wednesday 9 April 2014 21:08

How the hell do you end up falling in the toilet.. And need help getting out of it in the first place?

FrietvanPiet 16

Wednesday 9 April 2014 23:05

Because he left the toiletseat up. Haven't you seen Southpark?

lisaroxmysoxx 16

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:18

At least you hadn't fallen in the toilet!

binger_gitch 12

Thursday 10 April 2014 1:21

I don't see this as a FML OP, it's kinda cute hah.

riptor911 10

Thursday 10 April 2014 6:52

Again

badluckalex 23

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:19

kinky

thee_most_dope 30

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:19

again??? how many times has this happened before?!

viva_la_blondes 15

Wednesday 9 April 2014 15:59

The "again" had me laughing so hard. How does that happen once let alone multiple times?!

AdamsNumberOne 16

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:19

"Again" is this the second time, or 50th?

lolfood 24

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:20

Totally stole my comment.

SpunkyyyMonkeyy 10

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:22

51st dates lol

starcaller17 16

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:56

Dude, did you even watch that movie? It's 50 first dates, not 51st dates, which doesn't even make grammatical sense.... And OP didn't forget anything so it doesn't make sense either

krundale 6

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:21

You must be a shitty person.

MsConfusedd 27

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:22

No.

A_Twerking_Koala 9

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:24

The chances of OP having sex just went down the toilet.

magymofucka 9

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:47

i hate moderated comments. i'm always wondering what was said.

tbro47 23

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:22

To be honest most guys don't take well to subtle hints. Next time just be blunt. That would turn me on more than trying to pick through hidden meanings. We're not all that complicated.

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Tuesday 16 January 2018 8:03

I get the sentiment but there is no way in hell that I would ever text my man that I wanted him to come over or something because I was horny or even that I wanted him to come over for sex. That is not the kind of text message I want in existence for anyone to find. If it relates to sex, it isn't going to appear on my phone let alone be sent to the phone of anyone else, for any reason. If that means that I take care of myself and my man misses out on the chance because he couldn't take the hint, well sucks to be him. Plus depending on who controls the phone in question (i.e. Is it a truly personal phone, is it a personal/work phone that is paid for by the company they work for, is it simply supposed to be a work only phone) it may be inappropriate to send such a blunt message and casual hinting may be the best option.