Intimacy: Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives...

By that girl - 08/04/2014 23:06 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 252

You deserved it 12 662

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 4 447

Knackered

By Karen - 05/03/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, in the middle of sex my boyfriend asked if he could use the bathroom. It would've been fine, if he didn't fall asleep on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 605

You deserved it 3 103

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 897

You deserved it 1 238

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 063

You deserved it 1 447

Shock and awe

By Embarassed Girl - 14/07/2022 02:00

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 802

Go to drunk, you're sleep

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 16:00 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend, who was half asleep at 3 am, saying he was yelling my name because he needed toilet paper. We don’t even live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 122

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 1 522

By TheMissMuffly - 31/07/2012 15:53 - United States - Monmouth

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 832

You deserved it 53 155

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 4 495

By whatchagonnado - 24/03/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 8 896

thee_most_dope 30

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:19

again??? how many times has this happened before?!

BadApple88 29

Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:18

Be more specific next time

Comments

Dave_Davington 33

Wednesday 9 April 2014 8:54

I feel that this person has another, far more interesting FML that she could possibly share.

hamzor 5

Wednesday 9 April 2014 16:19

"Today, I fell into the toilet. Again. FML." Why wasn't this one submitted first?

thelittlemissy 29

Wednesday 9 April 2014 9:12

He's your boyfriend, you don't have to hint it, just say you're horny!

91hayek 31

Wednesday 9 April 2014 11:10

Straight forward and direct. Nice.

little_one1 14

Thursday 10 April 2014 1:45

That doesn't work with MY boyfriend. Nothing does. Idk if it's his dick or his brain but one of the two, possibly both, are broke.

jessyZ123 0

Wednesday 9 April 2014 9:16

Youre fat

katties 27

Wednesday 9 April 2014 9:25

You DO know he can't hear HOW you're saying it through a text, right? Say "I really need you" with a neutral voice, add the fact that you might have used the same sentence when you wanted him to help you out of the toilet, and voilà, it's not strange at all that he thinks you're in the toilet again. Really, that sentence could mean so many things

DanielleinDC 33

Wednesday 9 April 2014 15:26

Where does it say OP texted her boyfriend? She just said told, and it could be she told him on the phone, and he replied with a question about her falling in the toilet again. Which makes me wonder how many times OP has fallen in the toilet and if someone in her home leaves the seat up. Of course, in 30-plus minutes, OP's mood could change, and her boyfriend rushes over for nothing.

underthesea12 24

Wednesday 9 April 2014 9:59

why isn't the fact that you fell in the toilet the FML?

revelation11B 10

Wednesday 9 April 2014 10:23

Don't you just hate it when you fall into the blue vortex of doom? Don't even get me started on airplane toilets...

DevilsMetsGiants 30

Wednesday 9 April 2014 10:33

How do you allow that to happen multiple times?

91hayek 31

Wednesday 9 April 2014 10:46

I would have wanted to hear the inflection at which he said that. I just read it as if he was excited and giddy with anticipation for your tumble into the toilet, as if he was into some freak shit like that. Not judging, just sad it wasn't what I thought.

sweetbliss3 37

Wednesday 9 April 2014 10:59

Is this a regular occurrence that he just automatically assumed you fell in the toilet? A simple "hey come over I'm horny" would have done just fine, I'm sure.