Intimacy: Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time....

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 305

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 7 527

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 885

You deserved it 9 239

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 133

You deserved it 4 527

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 717

You deserved it 18 644

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 819

You deserved it 5 301

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 9 713

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 191

You deserved it 8 221

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 368

You deserved it 34 712

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 5 019

alex1432 9

Saturday 28 May 2011 5:54

Well try using more than just your hands??

lilbeast0327 3

Saturday 28 May 2011 5:54

wow u must really suck

Comments

spacemonkey420 0

Monday 30 May 2011 20:37

that kinda happens to me last night mut I finished in my girl

monica73 0

Monday 30 May 2011 21:19

haha yuuhh muuss reaallyy succkk . my 1stt timee my bf didnntt wanntt mee too stopp .

NightForever 2

Tuesday 31 May 2011 7:32

Why do you have all those extra letters on the end of your words. I picture your sentence being spoken with a really long and drawn out voice.

phantomzeroz 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:45

learn to stroke **** bitch

oreocookies611 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 1:32

ha I agree with number 4 use your mouth bro!!!

Jojo08_fml 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:50

Awww, poor thing.. and I'm talking about the guy..

kdscissorhands23 1

Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:05

You're probably chafing the poor lad. Did ya ever think of lube? Or spit??

Reidar 11

Tuesday 31 May 2011 17:58

That's usually how it goes...

pad13 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 20:02

who the hell wants a handjob????? seriously

failguy2 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 15:27

people with girlfriends who refuse to give head and wont make u cum the normal way. especially if nothing works to get them motivated.

son4life 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 0:08

wow you need to practice some more ha

toughcookiee 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 11:30

same thing JUST happened to me. no need to feel bad. at least ur boyfrind didn't force u into giving him head :| FYL and FML

Keywords

Love Party Awkward Lonely ADHD Transportation Cars Ironic Vacation Mental health Work Miscellaneous Grandparents Accident Health Covid Kids Annoying Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Art Photography Videos Exhausted Sex Intimacy Money

The Top

Today, after a bad week I ordered a large pizza, ready to binge-watch TV. The delivery guy shows up, I hand him the cash, and he left without giving me my pizza. Exhausted, I watched him leave, like a confused puppy. I called the pizzeria; he'd left the pizza somewhere else, and couldn't re-deliver it because their driver was "done for the night.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 134

Today, I had a mental breakdown. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was, "I think we were better off as friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 336

You deserved it 5 516

The Top

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 416

You deserved it 3 994

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 070

You deserved it 2 619

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 694

You deserved it 2 853

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 691

You deserved it 4 877

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 246

You deserved it 7 550

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 6 084