Health: Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of...

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 11 656

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Same thing different taste

By Tanner - 07/04/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 562

You deserved it 10 734

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 16:00 - South Africa

Today, I had bad diarrhea. I went to the toilet seven times while my cousins came to spend time with me. I spent more time in the toilet than I did with them. Once they'd left, I went to the toilet for what would be the eighth time in a couple of hours. I now can no longer feel my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 114

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

Geyser

By awhmaaan - 27/02/2012 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 070

You deserved it 5 820

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 654

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 3 074

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 14 216

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 96

Skylae 14

Monday 5 May 2014 1:49

I'm just wondering .. What did you cook ?

kurodansei 16

Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

It's not that OP can't cook, OP just has a talent for biological warfare.

Comments

gbrodee1 5

Monday 5 May 2014 6:05

thats shitty

Aero_x 21

Monday 5 May 2014 6:18

Aw, I'm sorry you shat all day, but you are never cookibg for me.

nopasanada 3

Monday 5 May 2014 6:22

wow... you are just full of shit...

cryssycakesx3 22

Monday 5 May 2014 6:27

not anymore...

lbanks_fml 10

Monday 5 May 2014 6:40

Why would you want to feel your OWN asshole?

an3ph 20

Monday 5 May 2014 16:19

I wouldn't want to feel someone else's either!

Guardian88 21

Monday 5 May 2014 7:46

NOTE TO SELF: Dont ever eat your cooking, EVER.

ErinRosado 14

Monday 5 May 2014 8:50

Sounds like my husband...

elizacandle 29

Monday 5 May 2014 9:34

what in the hell did you cook?

mkcherry 14

Monday 5 May 2014 9:48

Think it's time to go to the hospital. Even if it's just to make sure you haven't dehydrated too much. Hope you feel better & have insurance.

poopface82 19

Monday 5 May 2014 10:02

Look on the bright side - now you have a built-in excuse to never cook again.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Monday 5 May 2014 10:41

It sounds to me like a very bad food poisoning or an allergic reaction. Unless you dumped a whole chili can in your plate, I don't think bad cooking could get you sick like that.