Work, Creepy, Make up and Intimacy: Perv

Perv

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 14:53 - Canada

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick, which isn't unusual we do a lot of drag. While I was applying it, he started to make gross noises and, after a quick glance, I realized he had a massive erection. He then whispered, "Mmmm don't stop now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 754

You deserved it 4 546

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By C BOMB - 14/09/2015 23:58 - Australia - Toowong

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 892

You deserved it 19 361

By theunluckylifeofme - 26/06/2013 20:33 - United States - Gilroy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 771

You deserved it 5 111

By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 913

You deserved it 5 293

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 075

You deserved it 17 587

By creepedouthostess - 17/06/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 472

You deserved it 3 126

By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 709

You deserved it 1 652

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 116

You deserved it 3 784

By Mayabie - 16/10/2011 21:08 - France

Today, at my job in a cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like yours. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 200

You deserved it 6 402

By Job Seeking - 22/01/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 3 005

Delusional

By why - 06/11/2020 23:01

Today, I was at work. I had a male patient expose himself to me. He then apologized and said he thought that's what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 112

penguinz 0

Friday 8 May 2009 20:12

danggg sooo gross

maedoc 0

Friday 8 May 2009 21:11

well did you finish him off at least?

Comments

penguinz 0

Friday 8 May 2009 20:12

danggg sooo gross

alleyx3 0

Monday 8 March 2010 4:12

agreed

Ambrielle 0

Friday 9 April 2010 3:07

omfg that's just NASTY! I wudve freaked!

vollyball921 0

Wednesday 21 April 2010 4:40

wut a fukin PERV

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

Thursday 1 July 2010 11:25

HOLY CRAP!!! F*** ur life!

zackk5 0

Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:41

lipstick fetish win. fafp.

isaiaha11 2

Wednesday 21 July 2010 17:08

did u havesex?

photofool 0

Friday 8 May 2009 21:11

I agree, your life is f***ed!!!

FMLJFL 5

Saturday 28 July 2012 0:10

At least it was massive? Lol just kidding thats still gross..... People really should control those urges in public.

maedoc 0

Friday 8 May 2009 21:11

well did you finish him off at least?

shhhitsasecret 0

Tuesday 18 May 2010 5:30

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

niquii 0

Monday 12 July 2010 0:12

that's wat I was going to ask lmfao

BirdieCurls 25

Thursday 10 October 2013 6:23

in which way?

daemonsparta 16

Wednesday 22 April 2015 6:31

#169 yes

TheZephyrSon 3

Friday 8 May 2009 21:12

That really sucks...

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Monday 31 December 2012 21:35

That's probably why it's on FML.

rhiley 26

Friday 12 February 2016 10:02

the sarcasm is real

Eli0 0

Friday 8 May 2009 21:13

wow

shaynashakesit 0

Friday 8 May 2009 21:15

Ugh, I am SO sorry. That'd be really awkward; in these situations, people need to keep their fetishes to themselves!

24788 6

Friday 8 May 2009 21:15

I'd be terrified, women should be allowed to wear mace for this reason. 1000th COMMENT!

24788 6

Friday 8 May 2009 21:15

I'd be terrified, I think women should be allowed to carry mace for this reason. 1,000th Comment!

PaperCaper 11

Sunday 1 August 2010 19:51

uh... I'm pretty sure women ARE allowed to carry mace.

karlh043 1

Thursday 22 September 2011 4:49

5secondsofvvifi 21

Saturday 13 June 2015 3:37

Women definitely are allowed to carry mace. I almost always have it with me.

betsymonty 0

Friday 8 May 2009 21:17

He should have least slipped you a 20 for your trouble.

felipe87 2

Thursday 7 October 2010 5:52

I am not sure that would be legal

JenniferNThomas 14

Tuesday 20 May 2014 19:23

155. It'd be like getting a tip... A very awkward tip...

FBIWarning 0

Friday 8 May 2009 21:20

LOL "after a quick glance" G_G

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 280

Today, my longtime crush, who turned me down because he’s “sick of women”, just got into a relationship. He made it Facebook official, with photos of them and everything. Wanting to even the score, I commented, “So it seems your sickness of women is cured, huh?” He bitched at me for “ruining his moment” and deleted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 1 036

The Top

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down, laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 557

You deserved it 3 761

Today, I had to take my parents to the hospital after a failed attempt at a Kamasutra position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 60

Today, I met a man on Tinder who said he was a chef at his own restaurant. He invited me to come eat at his restaurant and told me he would reserve me the best seat in the place. I got there to see he was not a chef, but my waiter. I paid him for the dinner. I ate by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 886

You deserved it 508

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 822

You deserved it 946

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 237

You deserved it 49 060

Today, I was having lunch with a friend when I went on a rant about how much I really dislike my boss, ranting about all his annoying habits. After a long tirade, my friend looked at me awkwardly and said, "You do realize he's my uncle, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 453

Perv

Same thing different taste

Delusional

Top comments

Comments