Health: Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of...

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 11 656

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Same thing different taste

By Tanner - 07/04/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 562

You deserved it 10 734

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 16:00 - South Africa

Today, I had bad diarrhea. I went to the toilet seven times while my cousins came to spend time with me. I spent more time in the toilet than I did with them. Once they'd left, I went to the toilet for what would be the eighth time in a couple of hours. I now can no longer feel my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 114

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

Geyser

By awhmaaan - 27/02/2012 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 070

You deserved it 5 820

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 654

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 3 074

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 14 216

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 96

Skylae 14

Monday 5 May 2014 1:49

I'm just wondering .. What did you cook ?

kurodansei 16

Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

It's not that OP can't cook, OP just has a talent for biological warfare.

Comments

Axel5238 29

Monday 5 May 2014 10:47

I"m wondering what you cooked. Did you not cook something all they way through or use ingredients that were bad?

DylanHasClass 17

Monday 5 May 2014 13:16

Atleast the inside of your bath tub is painted.

Zedz 0

Monday 5 May 2014 14:25

Was it a moving experience?

mrlopez 13

Monday 5 May 2014 17:26

His cooking was a pass. But just not an intended way of passing. Anyways, hope OP gets well soon.

Jiratias 36

Monday 5 May 2014 15:07

Ok, my lack of cooking skills do not seem that bad anymore.

r00nie 10

Monday 5 May 2014 15:07

Chocolate rain?

ErinRosado 14

Monday 5 May 2014 15:23

I refer you to #86

natattack1999 4

Monday 5 May 2014 15:39

Just be thankful you where at home! The same happened to me but I was at a mission with the bathroom down the hall!

an3ph 20

Monday 5 May 2014 16:18

Can I have the recipe?

Boeneman 3

Monday 5 May 2014 16:53

and this is how we clean our bowel system OP cooking

cheshireau 26

Monday 5 May 2014 18:09

Welcome to the world of IBS. Sorry that this happenened to you, but. I hope you are feeling much better.

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I agree, your life sucks 20 527

You deserved it 1 300

Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML

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I agree, your life sucks 10 117

You deserved it 53 939

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I agree, your life sucks 56 916

You deserved it 22 241

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I agree, your life sucks 28 421

You deserved it 2 492

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 8 309

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 526

You deserved it 5 362

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I agree, your life sucks 43 748

You deserved it 4 662

Same thing different taste

Cringe

Ring of fire

Ring of fire

Geyser

Shit for brains

Hot lava from both ends

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