Health: Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of...

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 11 656

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Same thing different taste

By Tanner - 07/04/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 562

You deserved it 10 734

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 16:00 - South Africa

Today, I had bad diarrhea. I went to the toilet seven times while my cousins came to spend time with me. I spent more time in the toilet than I did with them. Once they'd left, I went to the toilet for what would be the eighth time in a couple of hours. I now can no longer feel my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 114

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

Geyser

By awhmaaan - 27/02/2012 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 070

You deserved it 5 820

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 654

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 3 074

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 14 216

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 96

Skylae 14

Monday 5 May 2014 1:49

I'm just wondering .. What did you cook ?

kurodansei 16

Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

It's not that OP can't cook, OP just has a talent for biological warfare.

Comments

grashopper8 7

Monday 5 May 2014 2:43

That sounds unusually bad - you may want to call your doctor! Get well soon OP

shady_fox77 13

Monday 5 May 2014 2:45

Well, now if someone pisses you off you can cook them a delicious meal

Farmillionaire 8

Monday 5 May 2014 6:18

I like your way of thinking....very dark

INDYSTRUCTABLE 43

Monday 5 May 2014 3:11

so, did you shit in the shower as well or just bathe ? The way you wrote this makes me wonder....

blackonblight 32

Monday 5 May 2014 3:53

Well by that point there can't have been anything solid left, right?

Blaisey 22

Monday 5 May 2014 3:23

Feel better OP :/

bv2332 10

Monday 5 May 2014 3:26

Cooking isent that hard...

SouthernLady12 13

Monday 5 May 2014 3:42

Spelling should be easier than cooking, but... *slow clap*

BlackPanther19 11

Monday 5 May 2014 3:29

You could probably land a job in the CIA biological warfare unit.

WeskersSexslave 15

Monday 5 May 2014 3:35

I understand the pain. Get a relative or friend to buy you immodium xD

__0muSe0__ 4

Monday 5 May 2014 3:38

what the hell did you decide to cook today

boshbish 14

Monday 5 May 2014 3:42

I never thought id ever encourage someone to live off ready meals and take out but the severity of your bad cooking skills warrants all of your food to be made by others lest you'd like a repeat of a gastro intestinal volcanic eruption. FYL