Animals: Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly...

By Jenievonteese - 12/06/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 788

You deserved it 3 252

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 18:44 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 713

You deserved it 5 390

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 2 643

Freaked out

By The Buzzing - 28/07/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 159

By dirtbikeguy - 23/07/2015 13:05 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 197

You deserved it 1 986

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower I noticed a short, black hair on my loofa. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 775

You deserved it 8 940

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 641

You deserved it 3 729

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 012

You deserved it 3 217

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 835

You deserved it 297

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 233

You deserved it 4 686

By Larz - 26/01/2011 21:49 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 3 668

YacL 15

Monday 13 June 2011 9:08

This FML made me shudder with disgust at the thought of it. I can't stand bugs.

tsim_fml 0

Monday 13 June 2011 8:58

atleast it wasn't goo from your boyfriend's woodroach.

Comments

katems 5

Monday 13 June 2011 15:37

I feel so sorry for you.. I think I would cry ;(

DaniBee420 6

Monday 13 June 2011 16:14

ohh yuk!

snicole918 4

Monday 13 June 2011 17:15

omg!!!! that's horrible!!!! I would have freaked!!!!!!

britnydisher 1

Monday 13 June 2011 17:48

ewewewewewewew.

Cheez_Puffzzz 0

Monday 13 June 2011 18:11

well, if your not made of wood im pretty sure it doesnt belong there :)

69_jackson_69 0

Monday 13 June 2011 18:29

The morning wood roach? Those things are a pain in the ass, literally.

AnnabelBish3 0

Monday 13 June 2011 19:36

Ewwwwwhh Omq iWud have Been Screaminq .. But Then Aqain It Wud Climb Into My Mouth .. Which Is Worse .. Uqhh>.

DalekScythe 0

Monday 13 June 2011 20:08

that roach is a butterfly on the inside. :'(

igotswagger313 0

Monday 13 June 2011 21:21

i like unicorns

sprkls6 0

Monday 13 June 2011 21:21

that's so gross! like skin crawling

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The Top

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 283

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent two hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after five minutes, then five minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 432

The Top

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 738

You deserved it 9 064

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 354

You deserved it 4 623

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 655

You deserved it 14 018

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 7 902

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 072

You deserved it 1 160

Today, after eating out, my mother asked me to figure out 20 percent of the bill whilst staring daggers at me. I have never been good at math under pressure and especially not percentages, so I told her as such. She called me a complete idiot, to which my father simply said, “I agree.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 398

Same thing different taste

Freaked out

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