Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells...

By FML - 02/02/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 821

You deserved it 10 200

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Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! More…

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Same thing different taste

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 202

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 696

You deserved it 60 160

By FuckThis - 31/08/2015 13:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 2 543

Not my turn

By Perry85 - 10/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 277

You deserved it 1 025

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 845

You deserved it 13 055

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 770

You deserved it 10 566

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 187

You deserved it 315

Routine

By youaresodumb - 27/09/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 457

You deserved it 34 367

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 934

You deserved it 644

By Laura - 17/09/2010 00:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 791

You deserved it 6 231

Diabeetus 0

Sunday 15 February 2009 7:51

Perfect reply for these situations. "It varies in size depending on how hot the girl is."

captcool024 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 8:45

haha.. stupid bitch.. hot dog down a hallway at this point.. dont worry bro she says it to everybody, because her boyfriend is a giant *****.

Comments

BloodyMary666 24

Wednesday 31 August 2011 18:40

What a wh*re!!!

littlericht 2

Tuesday 22 November 2011 3:09

Should of said yeah but I have scabies! That would shut the bitch up! Haha!

littlericht 2

Tuesday 22 November 2011 3:13

Theres always the penis pump! :)

littlericht 2

Tuesday 22 November 2011 3:14

Theres always the penis pump! :)

craign360 0

Saturday 12 May 2012 11:15

You should put whipped cream on your belly.To make it look like a bum.:)

Levicicus 6

Sunday 27 January 2019 9:32

... what?

steenfos 1

Wednesday 30 May 2012 19:17

Doesnt matter, had sex?

Mucitel1 5

Tuesday 7 May 2013 7:01

size dosent matter bro

StamkosTheMan91 10

Sunday 1 December 2013 9:28

So she's a little **** is what you're saying?

Solano2580 24

Friday 6 March 2015 5:33

Get pics of her and steal her phone, get his number, and show him, then you two go and get a beer

BonerFart 23

Wednesday 3 June 2015 23:32

Doesn't matter, had sex.

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The Top

Today, I found out from some guy that he and my wife had been having an affair for over year. She confessed to everything, and said they had already broken it off. She also admitted that she would've never mentioned it to me if I'd never found out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 103

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 4 042

The Top

Today, I just found out that I was missing almost $500 from my debit card. Turns out my brother used my card to simp on a streamer. When I confronted him, he said, "But you would have simped on her either way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 148

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 445

You deserved it 16 197

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 981

You deserved it 3 669

Today, my childhood best friend and I just rekindled. He has literally known me since the day I was born. We spent all of our time together, baths, playing, all of it. We've always been connected. However, in high school, we ran from each other. Now, we found out we love one another but we’re in marriages. I would give up my SO for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 747

Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 316

You deserved it 4 632

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 732

You deserved it 3 930

Same thing different taste

Size Queen

Unwarranted

Not my turn

Show and tell

Routine

"shortcomings"

Top comments

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