Intimacy: Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right... - FML

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 065

You deserved it 7 397

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Same thing different taste

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 781

You deserved it 5 152

Don't mind me

By evelynn - 20/05/2010 06:25 - France

Spicy

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 151

You deserved it 8 181

By Abyssal - 04/04/2011 18:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 188

You deserved it 11 925

By Anonymous - 02/08/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 297

By jokersgirl - 21/05/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 280

You deserved it 876

Starfish

By WhyBother - 21/02/2021 05:02

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 332

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 23:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, while we changed positions, he shouts, "Power Rangers - It's Morphin' Time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 933

You deserved it 12 633

Poor performance

By Anonymous - 28/12/2022 03:00

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 323

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 17:58 - United States - Arlington

Spicy

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 013

You deserved it 10 029

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 5 019

Next

Top comments

missjessicaaaa 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 19:52

now I'll never think of the word "abracadabra" the same way

grrrkgrrrl 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 19:56

At least he did not shout avada kadavra.

Comments

ElZamo 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 17:43

thats the funniest FML I've heard

ablounge23 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:32

Well, that sounds like something my fiancé would do...besides, sex isn't supposed to be serious, especially if you're married! It's supposed to be fun. He was probably just trying to spice things up a bit. Maybe you should do the same...

dabomb1463 0

Sunday 1 January 2012 1:32

It's so small it already disapeared

ifmlftw 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 5:21

Abracadabra! AlaCUMzam! Why do my pubes, always smell of ham?

PVXCRunner15 12

Sunday 16 August 2015 20:32

Looks like he worked a little magic on you with his wand

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was walking my dog when we passed by a group of teenagers. My social anxiety urged me to appear like a cool, confident adult, so I threw a stick for my dog to fetch, expecting him to dash off as usual. Instead, he sat down and stared at me like I was crazy. One of the kids said, “He’s got more sense than you.” My dog barked in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 437

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 841

The Top

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 156

You deserved it 2 979

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 311

You deserved it 3 018

Today, at work, I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I usually try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say, "Have a nice night." What I actually said was, "Have a nice flow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 33 715

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 568

You deserved it 3 704

Today, my boyfriend called my mother stupid and angrily argued with her at a family dinner. Why? We have a long-running family joke that "Vegan food doesn't contain calories," and my boyfriend thought my mum said it seriously, and was therefore a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 248

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 679

You deserved it 7 573