Kids: Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we...

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By Dang-ItsDanielle - 07/03/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 365

You deserved it 19 431

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Same thing different taste

By BabyButt - 09/04/2014 17:50 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 626

You deserved it 41 598

Straight to jail

By anon - 15/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 003

You deserved it 70 977

By Pisser - 26/06/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 191

You deserved it 5 725

By Jack00412 - 08/07/2014 19:55 - United States - Montague

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year-old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 310

You deserved it 5 540

By geli - 09/08/2016 00:12

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 783

You deserved it 1 450

By lolmyfduplife - 24/12/2015 06:10

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 699

You deserved it 2 097

By uterurist - 22/11/2014 18:37 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 2 922

By kids say the darnedest things - 19/07/2014 02:56 - United States - Denver

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 304

You deserved it 7 136

By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 621

You deserved it 11 080

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 218

You deserved it 437

FML_allthetime 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 23:36

hahahaha! thats pretty great! if i were another parent in the park, i would be concerned...

Recon_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 0:26

This was a much needed laugh for the day Thanks! My wife and I do it doggy style all the time. I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead. :P

Comments

anonymous_user 0

Monday 1 June 2009 3:22

thats what she said

ozzyboy 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:20

Your kids a future hooker

loveurlifeJK 5

Saturday 6 June 2009 21:49

Oh my, that's awkward. LOL

Hockeylover87_71 0

Wednesday 19 August 2009 17:38

fyl indeed, but that is really funny!!!

mangobells 0

Thursday 1 October 2009 6:41

I said to my mum after we had a substitue teacher in grade prep that we had had a prostitute teacher :)

PlasmaWafflez 0

Monday 5 October 2009 0:08

LOL AWESOME

Badboy6 5

Tuesday 2 March 2010 5:17

Lol thats What she said

2gether4ever 0

Saturday 27 March 2010 14:57

ROFL! that girl is going far.

beasting 0

Thursday 10 June 2010 11:24

oh my ******* god hahahahaha I would have sayed ya holdnon let me get my condoms to freak out the other perents

Tysonator 0

Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:43

Well then aren't you a ******* clever one..

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Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 325

Today, not only have I been cheated on in every relationship until where I am right now, I learned my current wife is fucking a guy 15 years younger than us. When we were both his age and post-grad, she turned me down several times. She didn't give me a chance until five years ago when she "wanted to settle." FML

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Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

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You deserved it 12 110

Today, after my car died a mile from my house, I huffed, puffed and pushed it back to my house off the street, so I wouldn't get a ticket overnight. After getting it towed to the shop in the morning, I got a call telling me they put gas in it for me and it starts up fine now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 2 216

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 274

You deserved it 80 159

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 2 979

Same thing different taste

Straight to jail

Beast Mode

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