Intimacy: Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused... - FML

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 952

You deserved it 7 844

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Same thing different taste

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Spicy

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 6 001

Moving

By happyasaclam - 19/02/2009 00:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 096

You deserved it 6 052

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 686

You deserved it 5 066

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 519

You deserved it 4 038

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 216

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 104

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 761

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 569

You deserved it 5 721

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 335

Next

Top comments

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

Fun Sized: Not so fun for everybody. Warning: Funsized might be too small to handle.

every1luvsboners 11

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

It was tucked into his shoe. It's an old trick so that it doesn't fall out of his pants leg and drag on the ground.

Comments

citygurlsleeps11 3

Monday 26 September 2011 22:06

What do mean u couldn't find it? Man that suxs 2 be u and him at the moment. Awarkward.

kg163401 0

Monday 26 September 2011 22:11

Look under the couch.

champjb 0

Monday 26 September 2011 22:19

Youre goin out with justin bieber!?!?

69chick69 7

Monday 26 September 2011 22:19

I'm pretty sure just rubbing him in that general area would get him aroused. Just sayin

Dcm210 19

Monday 26 September 2011 22:20

maybe his package was trying to find your package or maybe you mouth

captainfalcon7 0

Monday 26 September 2011 22:21

That's weird... today my girlfriend was trying to rub my package but kept missing... wait a sec!

babyswayze11231 0

Monday 26 September 2011 22:30

Are you really that dumb? It's girls like you who cause guys to be insecure and therefore whine to every girl that they "aren't big enough" if you don't like his size dont be with him but don't be dumb enough to give him a complex. Wait till someone can't feel you up because they "can't find them"

Daralea 21

Monday 26 September 2011 22:35

He's cheating on you. Dump him!

Btreasure 8

Monday 26 September 2011 22:48

Well you said it was instigate what were you expecting a banana. Mannnnn you need to get in touch with your mans body!!

zane2012 0

Monday 26 September 2011 22:48

Sounds more like a girlfriend. . .?

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Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Cute Miscellaneous Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Intimacy Sex Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, my boyfriend "proposed" to me. When we first started dating, he told me that he hated the concept of marriage and absolutely never wanted to go through with it. So I laughed and turned him down, obviously thinking it was just a joke. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 237

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, after submitting a work order to our landlord due to our dishwasher being “broken”, my roommate and I found out there is a wrong way to put dishwasher pods in. We’re both 25 and have gone our whole lives not knowing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 867

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 783

Today, I was supposed to get married. Instead, my sister made up a story about me cheating on my fiancé at the bachelorette party. He bought it and dumped me, despite there being no evidence of this. Turns out it was all a plan because they were secretly seeing each other for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 107

Today, I pressed snooze on my alarm clock for one of the first times ever. I ended up being late to my 8am class, and when I showed up, I couldn't start the projector. I called Tech Support. They came... and pushed the large button labeled "power." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 207

You deserved it 33 261

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after we played the "Which celebrity would you sleep with?” game. He decided that since all my answers were guys who looked nothing like him, that I must secretly find him unattractive. Oh and that I would cheat with any of those guys if given the opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 240

Today, my husband and I had a huge fight; I asked him if he could spend a few nights with me instead of his PS5. We haven't had sex in 2 months because he is always playing the PS5 at night till late, and he wakes up late too. This means no opportunities to have sex at night, or the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 308