Intimacy: Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused...

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 952

You deserved it 7 844

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Same thing different taste

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 6 001

Moving

By happyasaclam - 19/02/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 096

You deserved it 6 052

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 686

You deserved it 5 066

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 519

You deserved it 4 038

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 216

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 104

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 761

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 569

You deserved it 5 721

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 335

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

Fun Sized: Not so fun for everybody. Warning: Funsized might be too small to handle.

every1luvsboners 11

Monday 26 September 2011 19:10

It was tucked into his shoe. It's an old trick so that it doesn't fall out of his pants leg and drag on the ground.

Comments

bubo_fml 10

Monday 26 September 2011 19:32

Weird, you take postage packages to the pictures?

dcg1375 7

Tuesday 27 September 2011 1:14

WHAT???

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 27 September 2011 20:11

So.... That wasn't very funny or clever. -100 points.

Flamedude101 4

Monday 26 September 2011 19:34

Looks like big things dont come in small packages ;)

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 26 September 2011 20:10

Ah, but sometimes they do!

coldsteele152 1

Monday 26 September 2011 19:35

Must have been cold then

perdix 29

Monday 26 September 2011 19:58

Yes. And there was significant shrinkage!

alstbv12 13

Monday 26 September 2011 23:10

Girls know about shrinkage right?!

mistersheezy 7

Monday 26 September 2011 19:36

I pity the fool!

marpay 11

Monday 26 September 2011 19:37

Maybe he's a grower not a show-er but when it's time to show he sure does grow?

BrownSugar_fml 5

Monday 26 September 2011 19:41

Is he a turtle? :D

NPN_Scorpio 16

Monday 26 September 2011 19:44

ooo, dolphin boy!

lonewolf5755 5

Monday 26 September 2011 19:53

if he's that small don't walk away run away. you'll be happier in the long run

DjeePee 24

Monday 26 September 2011 19:54

I bet he was wearing jeans. Those sneaky bastards can hide a penis fantasticly.

theghost1309 11

Monday 26 September 2011 19:56

You couldn't find it? It's not like he moved it to a different part of the body. And you don't have to directly stimulate it to get it aroused.

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Haircut Miscellaneous Cute Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Technology Mental health

The Top

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 981

You deserved it 10 418

Today, I'm pretty sure my husband of 8 years is sleeping with the skank who's in the fire department with him. Out of nowhere, he started texting her and wouldn’t come home until 12:30 a.m. for a whole week. When I confronted him about it, he flipped out. Sadly, it won’t be the first marriage she’s ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 182

The Top

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 734

You deserved it 35 871

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 236

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 2 711

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 158

You deserved it 35 972

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 781

You deserved it 3 429

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 364

You deserved it 4 237