Miscellaneous: Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off...

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 14 215

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 447

You deserved it 11 656

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 4 988

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 078

You deserved it 6 690

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 410

By broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 392

You deserved it 12 033

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 434

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 4 697

Y'all need fiber.

By blondie875 - 26/05/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 519

You deserved it 1 385

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 296

You deserved it 7 527

By maniac11 - 11/10/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 6 589

extrasnipes 22

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:02

Bet the fight was about her not wanting to do anal

WOTAN1488 24

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:00

Learn to relax your anal sphincter.

Comments

Textastrophe 13

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:06

Let's all take a moment of silence for our friend

feven 32

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:09

The people in the other stalls must have been so confused lol

Megatron_Griffin 25

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:22

I'm pretty sure he was in his own home..and OP you should have wiped it on her pillow. You're left with a sore brown eye, and she gets a sore pink eye

Grayness_ 26

Sunday 21 June 2015 5:00

what the actually ****.

enginsteve 17

Sunday 21 June 2015 6:58

I think I like #16.

Megatron_Griffin 25

Sunday 21 June 2015 12:36

Glad someone has a sense of humor. I have always had the room next to the bathroom all my life so my brothers and my father would always make comments like "I'm gonna go fart on your pillow so you get pink eye". I guess every one would rather the same joke about him liking anal just written different ways ten times in a row haha

FunnnyGirrl 19

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:12

Right, "you weren't paying attention to how rough you were wiping" OP ;)

erindgentry 28

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:19

You ASSED for it OP

Megatron_Griffin 25

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:28

That pun stunk worse than OPs finger :P

allforfun 23

Sunday 21 June 2015 2:37

That was classic!!! Lmao

thesawgmizer 14

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:26

Well that was a shitty situation, no? I'll just leave then.

Futacy 29

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:36

Go sit in the corner and think about what you just said.

SweetSociopathy 24

Sunday 21 June 2015 5:15

Dear moderators, I know you're tired of these craptastic puns, so please start zapping them into oblivion. Or maybe you should stick the posters in FML jail because we all feel violated.