Miscellaneous: Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if...

By Benji - 20/05/2009 19:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 553

You deserved it 7 506

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 246

You deserved it 4 260

By mumblingdope - 25/05/2016 08:52 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 954

You deserved it 1 197

By Bruce - 02/02/2012 03:11 - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 505

You deserved it 3 423

By CoffeeStained - 10/11/2015 15:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 409

You deserved it 10 135

Thanks, lady

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 384

You deserved it 267

Butter fingers

By SplashOuch - 05/01/2010 17:58 - United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs, while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 954

You deserved it 7 196

For science

By Rach - 26/10/2023 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 713

By holyshart - 05/06/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 539

You deserved it 2 567

By Rach - 08/06/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 681

You deserved it 4 391

By disheshateme - 18/11/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 706

You deserved it 3 986

the_boss_fml 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:09

its not like youll need to be using it, if you still live with your mom

Peanu_theGreat 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:08

... You were naked?

Comments

pwnrzero 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:06

fyl

MeowingKat 0

Monday 13 June 2011 20:56

at least you got a mars bar?

Will09 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:07

PENIS BURN

Peanu_theGreat 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:08

... You were naked?

todo350 0

Monday 28 June 2010 20:39

i was just thinking that :s

020266t 5

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:38

bitch I would have called the cops and said she threw the coffee. plus there's proof...

Tracy_Evans 2

Monday 23 May 2011 6:28

"bare legs". Were you only wearing a speedo/briefs or something?

heyitsyourmother 3

Tuesday 7 June 2011 20:45

^ SPEEDO!

HBoks 7

Friday 1 July 2011 19:41

it probably went through his pantss!

Emma Marshall 19

Saturday 30 June 2018 23:39

Cuz coffee doesn't go through clothing or anything

the_boss_fml 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:09

its not like youll need to be using it, if you still live with your mom

izzy1505 0

Monday 6 December 2010 8:44

lmao so right

Sweej 1

Monday 8 August 2011 18:48

WIN

Will09 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:10

wait where were ur pants like did the coffee like penetrate or something

choppedNskrewed 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:10

4 FTW hah. FYL though.

pinkdinosaur64 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:10

lol, #4. and why would you be naked with your mom right there? and if you werent naked how did you burn your penis?

NeonBubblez 6

Thursday 29 September 2011 4:31

He was probably wearing boxers... And they are pretty thin...

raged_fml 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:12

OWNED BY MUM

drkwlf 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:13

.. Hot coffee can still burn you through clothes you ******* retards.

nomorehope 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 2:13

your moms gott good aim lol

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Today, my laptop was slow so I used my husband’s laptop. I went to the bedroom and found it opened, so I moved the trackpad and it powered on. The first thing I see is a page with redhead porn, and another tab with nude redheads. You know who else is a redhead? The new girl at his job he tells me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 132

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 144

The Top

Today, I woke up with severe back pain and about $100 missing from my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 155

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 198

You deserved it 2 496

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 599

You deserved it 4 302

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 144

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 327

You deserved it 8 049

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 161

You deserved it 5 483

Same thing different taste

Thanks, lady

Butter fingers

For science

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