Miscellaneous: Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the... - FML

By Purplexus - 02/01/2014 14:13 - Turkey - Ankara

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 363

You deserved it 5 378

Purplexus tells us more.

Purplexus 14

Thursday 2 January 2014 19:01

Yes, this was my FML. Yeah, my dad is an awesome professor. Does anyone have any questions haha

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Top comments

buddy_J 16

Thursday 2 January 2014 17:58

Wish I could take his class

Juniorhap 9

Thursday 2 January 2014 17:58

like a boss I would have done the same

Comments

schexysnyda 1

Friday 3 January 2014 4:29

Everyone get naked

nopasanada 3

Friday 3 January 2014 4:34

this is by far onecof the best fml ive read...nice

that60steen 5

Friday 3 January 2014 5:10

I want to hear his philosophy on life.

Link/DD 13

Friday 3 January 2014 5:54

BADASSITUDE

jbtheone_fml 5

Friday 3 January 2014 6:21

Why is this an FML?

nightrode 2

Friday 3 January 2014 8:53

And my hero :')

142_cats 13

Friday 3 January 2014 11:05

He sounds like a real player.

fandoms_unite 13

Friday 3 January 2014 14:34

I immediately thought of Ted Mosby.

pfft123 14

Friday 3 January 2014 15:10

Your dad is awesome xD

Bossgirlhana 15

Friday 3 January 2014 19:10

This FML makes me think of Walter White from Breaking Bad for some reason...

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The Top

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 1 921

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 969

You deserved it 10 760

The Top

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 713

You deserved it 6 482

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my boss's van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 4 872

Life is just one giant storm sometimes!

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 126

Today, a woman I didn’t know swung at me in Walmart. After scuffling, security pulled us apart as we waited for the cops. Why? Apparently I ruined her brother’s life and sent him on a “tragic” spiral after I refused to go to a high school dance with him. I have no idea who she’s talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 111

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 171

If you're not a morning person, you know how it is.

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 82