Love: Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when...

By Denki - 30/01/2013 12:21 - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 161

You deserved it 4 514

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Same thing different taste

By derranged - 22/04/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 219

You deserved it 73 486

Pure class

By Scarred4lyfe - 28/02/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 516

You deserved it 1 427

By O0hdear - 27/08/2015 17:44 - United States - Humble

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 544

You deserved it 32 613

By Brittany - 23/12/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 656

You deserved it 3 515

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 05:38 - United States - Brenham

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 336

You deserved it 3 256

By Az - 13/06/2012 00:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 925

You deserved it 2 383

The show must go on!

By Stuckwiththebill - 28/01/2018 01:30

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 637

You deserved it 438

Forever Alone

By Lisa - 19/08/2018 23:30

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915

You deserved it 225

The one with the wedding

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I’m single, I got permission to bring a friend as my plus-one to my sister's wedding. He’s religious so I thought of all people he’d be one to behave. Nope. He got plastered on champagne, slapped the brides ass as she was walking down the aisle with our dad, then started a fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 108

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 797

You deserved it 5 013

tanekdrachonae 19

Wednesday 30 January 2013 18:50

Maybe he knew -.-

Coop817 19

Wednesday 30 January 2013 18:55

YDI for being so darn cute ;)

Comments

cmac86 23

Thursday 31 January 2013 10:01

did he think you have a "real purdy mouth"?

Satoaoi 13

Thursday 31 January 2013 12:05

hey having a Gay or bi cousin is awesome. least you know ur ass is fine :|

lil_mz_beauty 2

Thursday 31 January 2013 16:15

well take it as a compliment, you're delectable by both genders lol :) just make sure u half kill him the next time he touches you :)

xRezSynn 15

Thursday 31 January 2013 17:44

Maybe it was a joke. Maybe.

Chrispayne 4

Thursday 31 January 2013 21:58

How is it over 2000 people voted it ur fault?

ArieannaE 7

Friday 1 February 2013 0:19

LMAO this made me laugh !!

KnFML 5

Friday 1 February 2013 3:44

She was kidding! Gees some people are no fun at all.

xkncas 8

Friday 1 February 2013 4:01

Maybe he knew... ;-)

TKDWill 13

Friday 1 February 2013 4:47

Dafuq?

meagann01 4

Friday 1 February 2013 5:14

No. No. Joke or not, PAUSE.

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The Top

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 842

You deserved it 17 114

Today, my estranged wife threatened to slit her wrist with a razor blade if I did not send her $50,000. She sent me a picture of her pressing a Gillette Safety razor to her wrist. It looked like she was getting ready to shave her perpetually hairy arms. She never was the sharpest knife in the drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 829

You deserved it 13 521

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 837

You deserved it 5 155

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted to help a little girl who was alone and looked lost. All I managed to say was, "Hi my name is…" when she screamed and set off an actual rape alarm in her pocket. I was tackled by about 3 people, while my girlfriend did nothing to help me except laugh and start filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 121

Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 136

You deserved it 4 395

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 054

You deserved it 3 363

Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 758

You deserved it 595