Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went...

By msnewyearseve - 01/01/2012 17:19 - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 119

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 727

You deserved it 19 957

By shittyemployee - 28/07/2018 19:00

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 3 157

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 682

You deserved it 13 852

By hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 270

You deserved it 12 018

Would I lie to you?

By sarika - 24/07/2015 00:12 - United States - Appleton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 987

You deserved it 2 372

By Eyalsh - 30/01/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 401

You deserved it 2 799

It's not a phase, mom!

By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 867

You deserved it 7 262

Ouch

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 02:03

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 544

By murp - 18/10/2012 16:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 585

You deserved it 3 201

By shelbylove115 - 22/02/2013 05:35 - United States - Nevada City

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 614

You deserved it 35 177

SadSadKidd 1

Monday 2 January 2012 0:41

Hangover part 3?

mismonroe 0

Monday 2 January 2012 0:45

Did you happen to wake up in Vegas with a tiger in the bathroom, also?

Comments

Cleo_Nemo_ 9

Monday 2 January 2012 1:23

That sounds like a wreck.

ImSoEffedUp 10

Monday 2 January 2012 1:26

Hangover producers will be seeing u in court soon...

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 2 January 2012 1:32

Seems like your party bus driver was drunk as well.

1JDub 6

Monday 2 January 2012 1:33

Way to start the year off with a bang! FYL indeed...

ohmandapants 16

Monday 2 January 2012 1:51

Cheers to keeping it classy.

ohmandapants 16

Monday 2 January 2012 1:51

Double post. Damn it. Sorry guys!

Monkeybuttcream 4

Monday 2 January 2012 2:10

OP, I'm certain docbastard can fix your face for a price...

swimgurly 2

Monday 2 January 2012 2:15

Hangover hahahahaha just watched part 2!!!!

partychick27 0

Monday 2 January 2012 2:38

I didn't know the guy on the Hangover had an FML account!!(;

smump 0

Monday 2 January 2012 2:38

Reminds me of the time I woke up with a 8" ***** on my forehead.

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 5

Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 170

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Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 600

You deserved it 6 575

Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 248

Today, at my supermarket job, I told an elderly woman that we no longer sell her favorite juice due to supply chain issues. She got so upset that she peed on the floor. I had to clean it up. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 64

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 348

You deserved it 12 079

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 337

You deserved it 3 778

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 2 560

Same thing different taste

Would I lie to you?

It's not a phase, mom!

Ouch

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