Animals: Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck.... - FML

By Cali girl - 03/04/2014 16:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 192

You deserved it 7 595

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Same thing different taste

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I was spending time with my affectionate pet rabbit. He was hanging out with me on my bed as usual. After I finished giving him a long and thorough head rub, he thanked me by emptying his bladder on my leg. What is that, marking me as his property? True affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 267

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 624

You deserved it 1 064

What is going on?

By Jade - 22/08/2013 00:09 - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 089

You deserved it 3 976

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 433

You deserved it 1 857

Sharing space

By Fingerfqmycupcake - 30/10/2024 08:00 - United States - West Chicago

Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 338

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 861

You deserved it 2 992

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 839

You deserved it 5 181

By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 786

You deserved it 4 663

By CatLady - 24/08/2009 13:38 - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 545

You deserved it 4 164

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 642

You deserved it 3 729

Next

Top comments

toowie_fml 20

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:12

Does your rabbit always roam free in your room?

ayyy_bro 26

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:13

Shouldn't your rabbit be in a cage at night or something...

Comments

feven 32

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:16

Hm thats not bad. My rabbit likes to try to suffoicate me in my sleep.

theonecasey 27

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:18

Shouldn't you have him up at night?

feven 32

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:18

Hm not bad. My rabbit likes to try to suffoicate me in my sleep. Lol and my rabbits name is Othello

babygurll19 10

Friday 4 April 2014 0:30

What a weirdo...

Andicc 19

Friday 4 April 2014 0:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

HowieDoIt 21

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:19

This may be the only chance for a "urine a lot of trouble" AND "you're in a hare-y situation" pun combo.

LynxieLynx 17

Friday 4 April 2014 0:16

...i'm not even gonna try

RageWolf16 31

Friday 4 April 2014 0:23

Urine a bit of a hare-y situation, OP.

Apretendbiscuit 12

Friday 4 April 2014 9:07

That was a piss poor attempt at a pun

DocBastard 38

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:20

Be vewy vewy quiet. It's wabbit season.

ThrillJunkie 15

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:33

Duck season :)

Wizardo 33

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:58

Eeeeh what's up Doc?

kozzard 17

Friday 4 April 2014 0:01

Wabbit season!

False_Stupidity 41

Friday 4 April 2014 19:40

Duck season!

KiaKarma 11

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:21

Urine a hare-y situation, OP.

WhatsOpTic 11

Friday 4 April 2014 2:42

I'm sorry Kia but you're a little late there

StompinOnCrayons 15

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:21

At least you'll wake up... to smelly sheets, but every alarm has its pro con

MidnightMusic53 37

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:22

You really shouldn't be letting your rabbit roam freely around the house without supervision. They like to chew on things...namely, cords. It's dangerous for both you and your rabbit to keep him out of his cage when you're not awake or around to keep an eye on him.

Cherryta 17

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:23

"I can't stand the rain...against my....omg ewwww"

DarkHelmet 10

Thursday 3 April 2014 23:28

So you find it ok for a rabbit to bust nuts on your neck???

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The Top

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 131

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 63

The Top

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I'd left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I'd left my phone on the hotel counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 963

You deserved it 36 846

Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 509

You deserved it 457

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 817

You deserved it 2 730

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 149

You deserved it 3 459

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 890

You deserved it 2 924

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 809

You deserved it 5 713