Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:15 - United States

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 556

You deserved it 12 884

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Same thing different taste

By ManinBlack - 14/09/2011 01:30 - Canada

Today, after months of looking forward to my new fencing lessons and speculating endlessly about the people who might be in my class, I went to my first lesson. I was the only one who showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 987

You deserved it 3 476

By Pontiacman92 - 29/08/2013 07:07 - United States - Pueblo

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 079

You deserved it 9 014

By Lizz - 06/02/2009 19:25 - United States

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 3 117

By Nicole - 19/09/2011 20:16 - United States

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 768

You deserved it 44 561

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 240

You deserved it 3 668

By fatty - 14/08/2014 03:46 - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 369

You deserved it 15 870

By gabby - 24/02/2012 23:01 - United States

Today, I dolled myself up and hit the campus gym, hoping to leave with a cute boy's number. I left in a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 024

You deserved it 32 452

WTF dude?

By mtorres8789 - 27/06/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming, "Sexy!" The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 864

You deserved it 80 612

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 16:44 - United States - Rome

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 978

You deserved it 10 941

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 812

You deserved it 5 607

Next

Top comments

TheMaster15 10

Monday 30 January 2012 1:29

Wow, great timing, man.

Calen5556 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:32

Let's hope you have an amazing personality

Comments

andreacruz 0

Monday 30 January 2012 6:41

just wait 'till the next band lesson and dress up like a sexy ****(;

teyyoshi 19

Monday 30 January 2012 6:43

fail on a date??

andreacruz 0

Monday 30 January 2012 6:43

just wait 'till the next band lesson and dress up like a sexy ****(;

constipatedlady 0

Monday 30 January 2012 7:44

Don't worry. I doubt sexy exchange student would be interested in you anyway.

xgetxbentx 13

Monday 30 January 2012 8:27

Isn't that always how it works out? The one day you don't do something is the one day you REALLY should have done it.

piccalo 4

Monday 30 January 2012 8:49

OP had taken great care in not mentioning sex.

profoundkisses 18

Monday 30 January 2012 8:49

Always happens

Daftendirekt1 0

Monday 30 January 2012 8:57

It's an exchange student... She'll be gone in a year or however long she's staying.

robo_thunder 13

Monday 30 January 2012 9:21

First world problems: not looking totally cute for the new class hawtie!

K_kanaka 26

Monday 30 January 2012 12:03

Wow that sucks

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The Top

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 315

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 715

The Top

Today, I helped my father upload his photos to iCloud because he was running out of storage on his phone. First thing I saw on his camera roll is a video of him sucking two guys off. He’s been married to my mom for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 171

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 450

You deserved it 3 513

Today, I was at work when my mother texted me, "You take a nice picture." I replied, "What picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You're even smiling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 900

You deserved it 46 078

Today, and for the past seven weeks, the weather forecast has been the same, invariably saying, "This week, it’ll be either hot or rainy, but next week it’ll be mild and sunny." I’m still waiting for "next week's” weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 181

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 976

You deserved it 15 773

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 811

You deserved it 10 198