Animals: Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching....

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 3 366

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Same thing different taste

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 1 786

Polly wanna latte

By Anonymous - 20/11/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 156

Late reaction

By "chris_lillo" - 31/01/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 760

You deserved it 7 001

Suspicious minds

By abusedparrot - 24/08/2014 12:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 258

You deserved it 6 137

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 226

You deserved it 1 157

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 431

You deserved it 19 342

Freedom!

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 513

By 4am blues - 13/07/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 2 564

Sky the killer

By omnomnom - 05/02/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 087

You deserved it 8 046

acerredrum 23

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:36

Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.

DrownedMyFish 18

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:42

Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.

Comments

okami36 2

Thursday 27 March 2014 23:42

When they're gone, sell the bird. Give them half the money.

kiaora_fml 11

Friday 28 March 2014 2:36

If there wasn't an agreement then you shouldn't pay, maybe you can take it to someone that is a more responsible pet owner if the room-mate wont agree to get rid of it or find a solution to making it quiet. I had a very noisy cockatiel, I found I could calm it down a notch by threatening to put a cloth over the cage and show it to the bird as I placed it, it soon learnt not to be so noisy, also your room mate should put a sheet over the cage at night to make sleep easier. Either way OP your room mate is incredibly rude and I would say so and start searching for a new room mate

fader48080 10

Friday 28 March 2014 12:47

Another method is to shake the cage violently when ever it makes a sound louder than a bird poop hitting news paper

tehdarkness 21

Friday 28 March 2014 2:51

Roommates shouldn't go halfers on anything except pizza. And even that's dicey.

fader48080 10

Friday 28 March 2014 12:49

*cough* rent and utilities *cough* just saying but yeah I agree with you in principle.

blackonblight 32

Friday 28 March 2014 3:43

I hear they've updated tamagotchi to be wifi compatible. Chia pets smell terrible, but something that has a reset button an fits in your pocket...

Tannasgh 22

Friday 28 March 2014 3:48

Ask him if you can have your half extra crispy :)

Chibi_Kitten 24

Friday 28 March 2014 4:47

Perfect opportunity to set an alarm you can't hit the snooze button on. Worst comes to worst, know your room mate's schedule and train that parrot to annoy him/her.

Harrison38 5

Friday 28 March 2014 5:23

quick solution. buy a pellet gun, shoot bird. say it flew away

Raidriar 14

Friday 28 March 2014 7:45

Why do you believe the solution is to murder the bird? It did nothing wrong, it was captured and forced to live with humans. It does what it naturally does and screeches, much like how humans talk. You have no reason to kill an innocent being except because you want to. The bird is a living thing and it's cruel to kill it just because your hypothetical roommate was an asshole.