Animals: Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching....

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 3 366

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Same thing different taste

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 1 786

Polly wanna latte

By Anonymous - 20/11/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 156

Late reaction

By "chris_lillo" - 31/01/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 760

You deserved it 7 001

Suspicious minds

By abusedparrot - 24/08/2014 12:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 258

You deserved it 6 137

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 226

You deserved it 1 157

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 431

You deserved it 19 342

Freedom!

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 513

By 4am blues - 13/07/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 2 564

Sky the killer

By omnomnom - 05/02/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 087

You deserved it 8 046

acerredrum 23

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:36

Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.

DrownedMyFish 18

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:42

Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.

Comments

GodKing709 2

Thursday 27 March 2014 12:38

say no you didnt want the bird in the first place

chosha_fml 26

Thursday 27 March 2014 13:03

If you contribute a cent, YDI.

sunshineb81 16

Thursday 27 March 2014 13:31

Birds can bite to the bone with no warning. Trust me, I know. They are also very messy and loud. Roommate should have discussed this with you first and then to ask you to pay too? No way!!!!

DanielleinDC 33

Thursday 27 March 2014 14:12

I hope you flat out refuse to pay a dime of expenses towards that bird. Your roommate did not consult with you, did not even get your permission, and has a bird who will be disturbing your sleep because s/he's alone in a cage, probably with no companion. That's no way to treat a bird! I see that you are trying to move out; that's probably the best solution. Lots of luck to the idiot you live with finding another roommate.

kingdomgirl94 29

Thursday 27 March 2014 14:39

To be fair, most parrots in captivity don't have cagemates, they bond with their owners. Night time isn't actually a problem if you know what you're doing. If you cover their cage at night with a thick blanket, they go to sleep. As long as its dark they think its night time, so they sleep. They make a lot more noise during the day!

phatdaddy62 23

Friday 28 March 2014 18:09

Finally, someone knows something about parrots.

simsgirlgem 25

Thursday 27 March 2014 14:29

Tell him to piss off as he didn't talk to you about getting a bird and you didn't agree to it ergo taking care of the bird is his job

Perry85 42

Thursday 27 March 2014 14:45

Oh hell no, that shit wouldn't fly (no pun intended) with me. YOU want the bird, YOU got the bird, YOU pay for the bird YOURSELF. And that's pretty shitty that he did it without asking you if it's ok...

sjbartholome 14

Thursday 27 March 2014 14:45

I always found it funny when people arbitrarily expect others to pay for their stuff.

Badkarma4u 17

Thursday 27 March 2014 14:53

Make sure he leaves before you then every morning put on the same 2 hour **** video at full blast. It will be over by the time he gets home, and ovrer time he will have no idea where his parrot learned such a colorful vocabulary.

skyeyez9 24

Thursday 27 March 2014 15:17

Teach it to say derogatory things about your roommate. Give it treats and pamper it when roommate isnt around, so it will like you more and piss roommate off. But do NOT pay for half the bird.