Animals: Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching....

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 3 367

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Same thing different taste

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 1 789

Polly wanna latte

By Anonymous - 20/11/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 157

Late reaction

By "chris_lillo" - 31/01/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 762

You deserved it 7 002

Suspicious minds

By abusedparrot - 24/08/2014 12:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 260

You deserved it 6 138

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 232

You deserved it 1 157

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 438

You deserved it 19 349

Freedom!

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 516

By 4am blues - 13/07/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 340

You deserved it 2 566

Sky the killer

By omnomnom - 05/02/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 089

You deserved it 8 046

acerredrum 23

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:36

Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.

DrownedMyFish 18

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:42

Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.

Comments

Llama_Face89 33

Friday 28 March 2014 21:16

I agree with 93. Don't kill the innocent bird. Your roommate on the other hand....isn't so innocent.

xxVampiresRulexx 14

Saturday 29 March 2014 1:43

Uh, how about no....

MidnightMusic53 37

Saturday 29 March 2014 11:08

If this isn't this first utterly stupid and inconsiderate thing he/she has done, and you can't kick them out or move out without breaking the lease, I would talk to your landlord. Don't punish yourself by staying with that moron any longer.

chickenman12312 12

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:32

Just refuse to pay for it. You probably have enough things to pay for and don't need a parrot taking your money away.

rec_chem 22

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:47

Snap it's little neck. Problem solved.

permaband_usr 14

Saturday 12 April 2014 2:22

Buy some KFC, hide the bucket, then hide the bird with a neighbor and simply snack on a drumstick with a <smile> when your room mate comes home.

kieralumina 30

Saturday 12 April 2014 3:54

fill the trash with a few handfuls of fake feathers, and when your roommate walks in ask if they want some of the meat as you hold the plate with 3 pieces of chicken towards them.