Intimacy: Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of...

By dfkjhregoiuberiug - 09/12/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 055

You deserved it 4 859

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 223

Handjob

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 18:00

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 060

You deserved it 906

Couldn't have been that great

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 147

By automaticfail_00 - 17/06/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 114

You deserved it 5 067

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 21:29 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 102

You deserved it 44 836

See ya

By Emily - 14/02/2011 20:25 - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and who knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night… It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 946

You deserved it 7 385

By barf - 06/02/2015 23:00 - Ireland

Today, I experienced the horror of walking in on my best friend fondling his tits. Yes, "his". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 824

You deserved it 3 274

By elo - 20/12/2008 05:50 - France

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 914

You deserved it 32 469

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 01:25 - United States - West Babylon

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 390

You deserved it 7 207

Sing me to sleep…

By anonymous - 25/09/2020 20:01

Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 155

tflnfml 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 16:21

Nasty. Maybe he's into you? No pun intended.

crazyarsedfly 14

Wednesday 9 December 2009 16:15

= (That's unacceptable on his behalf.. and rather gross..

Comments

FederalAgent 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 21:33

Couple questions... 1) why were you in bed with your "best guy friend" 2a) If you were comfortable to be in bed with your "best guy friend" this shouldn't freak you out 3) Why would he jerk off in your presence if you are just friends? 4) Make sure he didn't have a camera

caticaticati 3

Wednesday 9 December 2009 21:48

WHY IS EVERYONE SO DUMB?! Just because she was comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed as him does not mean she is sexually attracted to him or wants to see him jerk off. I have 3 best guys friends - one is my boyfriend, and this wouldn't weird me out with him. But the other two are like brothers to be and it would be weird as hell if they did this. If you're not sexually attracted to someone, there's nothing 'hot' about waking up to that. And obviously OP is not sexually attracted to her BEST GUY FRIEND (to those of you pointing out that she should be fine with it since that's what he is, note the fact that there's no mention of romantic feelings in the term).

manda_baby_rawr 4

Monday 26 July 2010 20:53

I slept on the floor in the arms of my guy best friend once. I didn't wake up to him whacking off. it's the fact of decency...

edmac969 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 22:12

this is absolutely YOUR fault! what were u doing in his bed to begin with if ur not going to sleep with him? u woke up there? how did u get there? only reason he was jerking off was cuause u gave him blue balls if u would of did ur part that would of never happened!

Melisaaaa 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 22:15

Caticaticati- Chill Out! You're taking this FML too seriously.

FederalAgent 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 23:04

couldn't have said it better myself.

imfrikknbad 0

Saturday 12 June 2010 22:55

besides the fact she slept in his bed already kinda leads him on. And if she's not attracted don't be a tease and sleep in his bed!!!

BunnyDrastic 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 22:58

Damn

musicislife1995_fml 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 23:30

you slept with him.. you asked for it and now your complaining? grow up.

omgawshglee 4

Thursday 19 July 2012 21:36

It didn't say she had sex with him, you idiot TIP- read the FML properly before commenting

Compass 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 0:01

Be grateful. At least he gave you a reach-around. EDIT: I'm surprised nobody has replied to the first comment to bump themselves to the top. I hope I didn't just jinx it?