Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When...

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 274

You deserved it 4 595

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 958

You deserved it 4 787

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 024

You deserved it 2 643

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 192

Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 097

You deserved it 3 656

Minty freshness

By Sergie - 04/06/2010 09:28 - Ireland

Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I brushed my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue, I went too far, which made me throw up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Good start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 200

You deserved it 28 371

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 284

You deserved it 3 662

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 234

You deserved it 3 296

By laurenmichela - 12/10/2015 21:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 637

You deserved it 2 098

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 807

You deserved it 1 511

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 260

DinosaursAreCool_fml 8

Sunday 23 October 2011 19:19

That's nasty (Cleveland voice)

shellzy 20

Sunday 23 October 2011 19:19

Oh god...I just threw up a little. Cockroach free at least.

Comments

Carriah420 9

Thursday 27 October 2011 11:45

You know that a cockroach can lay eggs, which would absorb into your tongue and hatch, right..?

cmabmb112210 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 13:45

Someone needs to call the Orkin man

Cmcnab1997 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 2:30

Last friday night

spitfire773 1

Sunday 6 November 2011 22:58

As bad as that is.. It made me laugh. I'm sorry!

friedeggyolive 7

Wednesday 7 December 2011 2:58

Wow, I'm really glad we don't have cockroaches in Minnesota!!!!! D:

ooyt453 1

Monday 19 December 2011 14:40

It's true that an average person will swallow 3 insects in their sleep

Chloeee1995 1

Wednesday 11 January 2012 5:14

Nasty. Nasty. Nasty. Nasty. Nasty. NASTY.

JayyKitten 0

Thursday 23 February 2012 21:37

Lolwut.

taylor317 7

Sunday 11 March 2012 14:30

I'm too lazy to read the comments but I wonder if anyone's said anything about your gag reflex ;) But sorry you threw up a cockroach, that had to suck.