Animals: Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite... - FML

By soph511 - 30/07/2012 18:05 - France - Hyères

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 565

You deserved it 4 684

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Same thing different taste

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 1 230

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 16:29 - United States - Santee

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 984

You deserved it 5 416

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 1 577

By pretty princess - 01/02/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 819

You deserved it 4 958

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 5 275

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 09:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 188

Get your cats fixed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 743

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 832

You deserved it 1 374

By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 942

You deserved it 7 327

Telepathy?

By So tired - 24/05/2023 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 381

Next

Top comments

unknown_user5566 26

Tuesday 31 July 2012 2:36

Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.

sarahlove281 4

Tuesday 31 July 2012 2:50

6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.

Comments

charvisioku 22

Wednesday 1 August 2012 22:48

Ahahaha oh god you just made my day. I never thought I'd hear a comparison between a Nazgul and a cat on heat xD

sushi314 12

Wednesday 1 August 2012 23:26

Spay and neuter your animals, people...

Squeaky_Tomato 14

Thursday 2 August 2012 4:25

YDI for not spaying your cat.

PoppaSoda 5

Thursday 2 August 2012 5:52

Kick that pussy in the cooch!

Vermilionaire 0

Friday 3 August 2012 10:06

I appreciate the reference

tubz84 2

Saturday 11 August 2012 3:25

When my dog was in heat we put boxers (underwear) on her and stuck her tail out the hole at the front, ruins the boxers but saves everything else.

cmo333 10

Friday 21 November 2014 5:11

If my cat was sticking her butt in my face I would push the thing off my bed or spray it with water or something

cdncw 20

Friday 15 May 2015 0:02

One of my female cats has a heart condition as well as sensitivity to medications. Her heart stopped briefly when the vet tried to spay her as a kitten. A cat's cycle seems to come once every 3 months. She's now 12 years old. I feel your pain OP... At least you can do something about it - get her spayed, for your sanity and her own health.

AntiSocialKitten 21

Saturday 23 May 2015 4:56

I have a cat that we can't afford to have spayed right now, so she's the same way, she's also a door dashed and loves my garage

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Intimacy Sex Am I overreacting? Friends Awkward Management Work Poopoo peepee Relatable Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise

The Top

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

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Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML

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The Top

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 027

You deserved it 46 456

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 274

You deserved it 27 588

Today, I missed my shift at work. I had asked my girlfriend, who works at the same store, to text me my schedule. She sent me the wrong hours for today. I got suspended, and she broke up with me for being too irresponsible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 028

You deserved it 8 884

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to Super Glue a couple of quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

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You deserved it 101 390

Today, we live in a society where an Uber Eats order arrives a lot faster than the authorities. To make things worse, the Uber Eats order arrives screwed up as well. FML

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You deserved it 125

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in Seventeen Magazine. They were in the "What not to wear" category. FML

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You deserved it 13 421