Intimacy: Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game...

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 382

You deserved it 5 246

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Same thing different taste

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 233

You deserved it 300

Talk to me baby

By fizzie101 - 18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 503

You deserved it 4 694

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 11 071

By Taylor - 21/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Dubuque

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 351

You deserved it 8 189

By doesnttastegood - 01/02/2010 10:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 644

You deserved it 13 964

By kylie - 10/08/2010 07:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 443

You deserved it 9 350

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 5 024

By coldwetnose - 09/05/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 223

You deserved it 18 910

By ps3isbetterthanme - 11/12/2009 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 923

You deserved it 4 329

Man City

By EpicBunBun - 10/05/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 268

You deserved it 719

ADuckOnQuack_fml 0

Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:10

That is... ******* awesome.

tpuff 7

Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:09

Boss status

Comments

ElricMustang 23

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:55

I gotta try this.

almostmarried 5

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:57

Like a boss.

cerberusthanatos 6

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:00

Was he winning?

angelinaanimerg 7

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:12

Thats hilarious lol

TehBatman 0

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:13

Temple Run ?

TheIchiban 11

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:13

Boys never run out excuses to use their dicks.

zoomrascal33 2

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:18

That ladies and gentlemen is talent

gauz47 5

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:20

Now u can play temple run with a cum touch

bubo_fml 10

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:26

Big respect if he can dial uo an international phone call!

Capt_Awesome137 0

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:29

Ghuessd hoSw io ttyytpeed rthois

Keywords

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The Top

Today, it's been a few months ago since we finally got the divorce we’ve wanted for years. He seems to have forgotten our shared photo library as he just uploaded a bunch of photos of all his disgusting sexual exploits, including the threesome he always wanted. Meanwhile, I can’t get so much as a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 235

Today, a few days after I let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life and we used melted chocolate, I've now got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life, so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 2 450

The Top

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 268

You deserved it 14 383

Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted of a police officer telling us what’s forbidden, the penalties if we do anything wrong and to avoid bars and nightclubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 77

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 497

You deserved it 4 355

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 935

You deserved it 7 613

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 964

You deserved it 8 441

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 114

Same thing different taste

Talk to me baby

Man City

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