Intimacy: Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game...

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 5 246

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Same thing different taste

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 301

Talk to me baby

By fizzie101 - 18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 505

You deserved it 4 697

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 501

You deserved it 11 071

By Taylor - 21/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Dubuque

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 353

You deserved it 8 189

By doesnttastegood - 01/02/2010 10:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 648

You deserved it 13 969

By kylie - 10/08/2010 07:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 445

You deserved it 9 353

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 915

You deserved it 5 025

By coldwetnose - 09/05/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 226

You deserved it 18 912

By ps3isbetterthanme - 11/12/2009 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 927

You deserved it 4 329

Man City

By EpicBunBun - 10/05/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 269

You deserved it 719

ADuckOnQuack_fml 0

Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:10

That is... ******* awesome.

tpuff 7

Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:09

Boss status

Comments

knight0748 5

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:18

So he was BEATING the game?

dessyrae 0

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:18

They can do that...? O_o

Mademoiselle_fml 34

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:22

Oh big deal. My boyfriend is the type who would do that, and I'm the type who would try it with my nipples. Haha.

jmacfan1 16

Thursday 14 June 2012 2:18

Nipples actually work. Yes I have tried.

Mademoiselle_fml 34

Thursday 14 June 2012 7:27

Haha. Now you made me want to try it myself... too bad I'm too broke for an iPhone u.u

BubbleGrunge 18

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:27

Did you then take place of the iPhone and reward him for his mad penis skills?

bizarre_ftw 21

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:34

Is he as creative when he uses it to play with you?

bizarre_ftw 21

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:36

Joy stick. Just mentioning.

iamsickbro32 2

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:37

Whatever!!! That's way sick! He deserves something awesome!

ceegee415 5

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:44

And he's not your ex?

Zer1c 4

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:44

Did he...did he win?

perdix 29

Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:51

Did he have an online opponent, or was he playing with himself?

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 109

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 330

You deserved it 4 254

The Top

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 573

You deserved it 3 212

Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 872

You deserved it 19 557

Today, our water got cut off. Since our council tax is also due today, I called them and hurled abuse for cutting off the water so soon. Turns out they don’t actually supply water, nor was it even disconnected. Some random person just turned off the meter tap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 1 181

Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 477

You deserved it 1 909

Today, sick of the unfiltered noise we hear from our neighbours in our upstairs apartment, as we're above their fence line, we signed the lease on an apartment downstairs. While I was downstairs, my partner clomped upstairs, opened the bathroom door, and took a piss. I heard EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 330

Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 889

You deserved it 49 528

Same thing different taste

Talk to me baby

Man City

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