Health: Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely... - FML

By Anonymous - 05/12/2014 03:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 956

You deserved it 2 639

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Same thing different taste

Freaked out

By Why - 09/04/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, there is a huge lump on my neck. I thought it was a boil, but it didn't seem to hurt at all, nor was it bothersome. It wasn't until my mom pointed out its existence and size one too many times that I started to feel uncomfortable, and now suddenly I can't sleep at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 190

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 13/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 105

By LeoCor - 27/08/2018 20:30

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3 cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 125

#1 Mom

By Eden - 14/07/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 958

You deserved it 3 169

Panic

By not a cancerous pimple - 31/01/2015 00:11 - United States - Chester Springs

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 326

You deserved it 27 402

Man up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 679

You deserved it 3 227

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 747

You deserved it 2 380

By Anonymous - 28/01/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 3 731

No pain, no gain

By What's neck't? - 01/11/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, on this edition of me getting pimples in painful or uncomfortable places, I got a huge one on the side of my neck. I never thought that simply turning my head would be such a horrendously painful task. Also, the afflicted area of my neck suddenly itches like crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 111

By imblue42 - 24/06/2015 05:16 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 245

You deserved it 3 701

Next

Top comments

ComoEsJuan 24

Friday 5 December 2014 16:57

She's lump, she's lump, she's lump, she's in my head. But seriously, get that shit checked out.

amadeclton 27

Friday 5 December 2014 17:01

Hey, at least he has a sense of humor. I hope he takes it seriously, though.

Comments

lholifield23 12

Monday 8 December 2014 3:21

Well you got to admire his sense of humor

fiveforfighting 26

Monday 8 December 2014 14:53

Maybe he wanted to humor you to make you feel better. My dad did that a lot and it is irritating but it did help with the stress of being sick. Hope you get it checked out OP

katarose_fml 3

Thursday 11 December 2014 1:15

I get bumps there too sometimes called swollen lymph nodes

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The Top

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 1 905

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

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You deserved it 11 507

The Top

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You deserved it 50 414

Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 4 664

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I agree, your life sucks 41 695

You deserved it 4 758

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I agree, your life sucks 32 464

You deserved it 3 356

Today, I learned that weed brownie plus weed gummies leads to me drooling… on my ex-husband’s cock. FML

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You deserved it 2 401

Today, my manager "bumped" into me 3 or 4 separate times. I told him months ago I didn't want to date him. He even asked me once if I was ever afraid of being kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 318