Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

By Funnymann - 22/01/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 417

You deserved it 3 900

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 348

You deserved it 1 144

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 237

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 164

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 108

You deserved it 33 478

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 260

By Girl-of-very-little-brain - 29/12/2011 12:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at midnight crying, stood up to turn on the lights and face-planted into my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 234

You deserved it 4 984

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 729

You deserved it 19 960

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 186

By HomeAlone - 24/04/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 880

You deserved it 21 305

By Hayleey_079 - 18/02/2010 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 3 768

luvuall 0

Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

susieKiute 0

Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

Comments

Badboy6 5

Saturday 23 January 2010 9:09

lol thats scary

EveryDayJackAss 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 9:19

The first assumption would be some crazed and obsessed female, a prepubescent jackass, or a hobo. Whoever it is, KILL THEM!!!!!!!! with whiteout! ^_^

shrike279 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 11:00

u probaly got drunk and sharpied yourself O.o

manstie 1

Saturday 23 January 2010 15:40

You shouldn't listen to the magical sharpie in your dreams...

ruby_slippers 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 15:52

It must have been Jigglypuff.

jaffdude 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 15:56

So that's where he was...

a1b2c3d4e5f6 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 16:20

Dude. If you're going to draw on yourself, don't complain.

fishrocker 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 17:34

wow fake.

abbeyrios 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 22:39

did u drink a little to much alcohol the previous night??

mmidget 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 22:40

haha I litrally rofled! haha

mmidget 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 22:43

the sharpie mans after you! hint* he looks like a big sharpie pen! fight him off with papermate! haha

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, after being so jaded by failed relationships, I'd given a guy who slid into my Facebook Messenger a chance. We'd entered the talking stage, only to be told four months later that he’s found a girlfriend, and no longer wants to continue this interaction and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 277

Today, it is mine and my twin sister's birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me also pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 779

You deserved it 5 987

The Top

Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 975

You deserved it 1 475

Today, my girlfriend and I, who are both heavy set, went into the pharmacy and asked if they sold any over the counter antidiarrhetic medicine. The store clerk, eyeing us up and down, said, “Uh, sorry, we don’t have antidiabetic medicine.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 297

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 6 150

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 217

You deserved it 641

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 249

You deserved it 2 386

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 745

You deserved it 635

Same thing different taste

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