Intimacy: Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When...

By Steve - 16/08/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 910

You deserved it 8 785

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 6 495

I did not consent to this under my roof

By CatBlock - 31/01/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 357

You deserved it 8 012

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 339

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 055

You deserved it 3 517

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 100

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 624

You deserved it 1 064

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 482

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 328

Suffer little humans

By Go away dude - 11/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 199

Surprise, wanker!

By pussnboots - 16/07/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 214

doubleAbattery 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:49

Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?

SimpleSimon 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:09

She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.

Comments

rfarock88 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:05

Man, I feel your pain, this sounds like it something that would happen to me.

Horurerukul 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:16

I had to read this three times to get that you weren't having sex with your daughter.

cryssycakesx3 22

Sunday 18 May 2014 4:36

yeah. I hate "my girl"

lmmmr 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:17

Clearly she wasn't that turned on. You lose.

RESTAREA 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:40

Exactly! I would absolutely hate it if my boyfriend referred to me as "his girl" and I would never call him "my man." I find those phrases absolutely irritating, it's like you're saying they are, as 33 put it, either your child or an object... /rant I have to admit though, I still like the song "My Girl" :3 /hypocrisy OP, better to have a cockblocked FML than a "my bawls were scratched off by a cat" FML, just saying

Acidwash1987 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:17

who cares? oh no you diden't get laid. have sex later or whack off?

DameGreyWulf 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:17

Now I hate to admit this, but considering my current cats.... I'd probably get up and pay attention to them too instead. Though I wouldn't COMPLETELY ignore whoever was in my bed; after all, things WERE getting "hot and heavy." Most likely, I'd get up and see what the furball wanted, then come back.

moonsolomon 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:22

I used to have really long hair-got it cut recently- but sometimes my boyfriend and I would be in a position such that my hair would hang off the furniture (bed, couch, whatever) and be touching the floor. His cat would promptly come over and attack my hair.