Intimacy: Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and...

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 243

You deserved it 7 203

St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
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Same thing different taste

By Dying Son - 05/04/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 191

Trance

By carly rose - 26/05/2023 15:00

Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 188

It's not what you think

By lifedoessuck12 - 19/07/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 910

You deserved it 11 787

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 529

By perverted teenage girl - 29/11/2016 21:51

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 107

You deserved it 1 911

By OPforonepiece - 19/02/2016 14:38 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 107

You deserved it 2 822

By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 132

You deserved it 2 336

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 379

You deserved it 34 852

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 804

You deserved it 619

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 266

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:08

Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.

imustbeinsane 2

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:13

oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that

Comments

theonlysweetpea 10

Thursday 11 August 2011 22:35

Why'd she let you look? Bitch seems like she liked the attention but was mad when she realized you weren't actually seeing her. Attention *****.

Gook0123 9

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:47

Good idea lol

rick159 12

Thursday 11 August 2011 22:44

Why do women get the idea They can assault guys with no repercussions? I would havegiven her a hard slap right back. Then told her no one wants to look at ugly girls.

getsome23 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 23:07

hope it was worth it numb nuts

HomeAl0ne 20

Friday 12 August 2011 0:21

"...wow, this is hot. It could really do with a some quick, strong blowing. Ahhh, topped up with milk, just how I like it. Creamy, smooth. One lump? No, two, two lumps, that's best. And I love this muffin - a nice curved light brown muffin with a yummy red berry poking up on the top. Sweeeeet. Making me drool. I must remember to buy two pillows today. I wonder what it would feel like to go to sleep with my head between two pillows? You could probably suffocate doing that, but it wouldn't be a bad way to go. They you get an erection when you suffocate, or was that when..." **SLAP** Hey! What I do?

kaymi 17

Saturday 13 August 2011 18:27

My thoughts do go like that some days. damn zoning out will be the death of me. lol.

alisidewinder 9

Friday 12 August 2011 0:33

U: (snaps back after slap) HEY! I was trying to figure out how small they could be! Geez!

bizarre_ftw 21

Friday 12 August 2011 0:42

Say "sorry I was spacing out. Don't worry, I would Never stare at Your chest *smile*"

julianna170 4

Friday 12 August 2011 1:25

That sucks when that happens. I accidentally stare at some people so whenever I zone out I make sure I'm not looking at anything haha

kingatowning 2

Friday 12 August 2011 8:12

Bitches be gold diggers. Especially with the economy still in shambles. A gold diggin bitch wants a cash cow who will do and buy whatever the bitch wants. So guys please be smart. Bitch dependency is a serious problem! If you're not careful a bitch can ruin you're life. And even take your money!

kei1108 13

Friday 12 August 2011 8:52

I HATE it when that happens to me... one time, I stared at this semi-cute (extremely ignorant and rude) guy at lunch in 6th grade. I didnt know I was staring at him. but he thought I was checking him out. I don't remember if I was actually zoned out, or if I was thinking about how annoying he was. ah, life's mysteries. FYL. I feel your pain.

a_nutritionist 10

Friday 12 August 2011 14:06

replace "many" with "a handful of no more than 5 who are actually working themselves". a student wont care, a volunteer worker wont care, and an unemployed woman will be more understanding. working women? hahahaha...yeah right.