Intimacy: Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and...

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 237

You deserved it 7 201

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Dying Son - 05/04/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 191

Trance

By carly rose - 26/05/2023 15:00

Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 183

It's not what you think

By lifedoessuck12 - 19/07/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 905

You deserved it 11 785

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 527

By perverted teenage girl - 29/11/2016 21:51

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 104

You deserved it 1 908

By OPforonepiece - 19/02/2016 14:38 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 101

You deserved it 2 820

By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 126

You deserved it 2 335

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 374

You deserved it 34 847

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 796

You deserved it 617

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 305

You deserved it 264

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:08

Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.

imustbeinsane 2

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:13

oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that

Comments

monkji10 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 8:28

Dam I hate when I do what.

saturnsonic 3

Saturday 13 August 2011 17:37

ive been guilty of this myself....lol

fatass_ninja 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 11:55

ya, I sooo don't do this on a regular basis ( sarcasm )

RuskiManBearPig 4

Tuesday 16 August 2011 2:42

dude that happens to me all the time

Isaac_The_Great 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 15:48

Happens to me too, don't worry.

Matt1989 3

Wednesday 23 November 2011 4:49

happens to the best of us bro

CaineghisMord 2

Wednesday 30 November 2011 4:45

Vain little cow isn't she?

AloysiusWeasley 15

Saturday 10 March 2012 7:22

Better than me - I'd zone out on the bus, just daydreaming and staring out the window or whatever, and I'd come back to some trashy ghetto black woman screeching some slurry of syllables my way and it being something about the expression on my face. Subhuman trash.