Health: Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good...

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 711

You deserved it 36 317

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 941

By extraflavour - 23/12/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 538

You deserved it 3 199

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 077

You deserved it 34 033

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 00:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 155

You deserved it 5 988

By welp - 28/10/2015 04:11 - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 734

You deserved it 3 619

By mushroomtop - 23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 02/02/2015 17:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 3 249

By figgy - 29/11/2010 10:46 - United States

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 269

You deserved it 6 092

By knifewow - 20/10/2016 08:30 - Australia - Ashgrove

Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 425

You deserved it 13 450

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 04:26 - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 994

You deserved it 6 352

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Thursday 7 June 2012 18:51

It's not normal to shave with a pizza cutter?

bellakaykid 6

Thursday 7 June 2012 18:51

What... Why the ****?

Comments

stickytack 7

Friday 8 June 2012 3:23

Gotta do it somehow, right?

imlovedrunkjw 0

Friday 8 June 2012 3:34

How did that turn out!?!?

Jdumps 1

Friday 8 June 2012 3:53

got any more bright ideas 2 beer tommy?

TrentF13 12

Friday 8 June 2012 4:32

It doesn't work, by the way... Just in case you think you did it wrong and you want to try again.

jwbfml 11

Friday 8 June 2012 4:35

I just tried using my razor on a pizza. That doesn't work either.

ironicallyihave 0

Friday 8 June 2012 4:46

So tell me... Did it work better than your ordinary shaver?

cannabliss96 0

Friday 8 June 2012 4:47

Stupid ass

irishbohemian 0

Friday 8 June 2012 5:13

You ******* idiot! Your supposed to use a bread knife!

jpnitrox3 8

Friday 8 June 2012 5:15

Atleast you didn't play with fire and get multiple burns

Snackycake 20

Friday 8 June 2012 5:48

Yes, because a pizza cutter is always the best thing to shave with

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

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Here's another FML video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com. Enjoy! Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tre...

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 39

Today, thanks to that stupid ass blue dog, our kids haven’t stopped hounding me about when their dad and I are getting married. They’re too young to understand, so I try to gently change the subject. That worked for about 5 minutes before they were right back to asking. Holy uncomfortable subject Batman! FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 727

The Top

Today, and ever since my boyfriend discovered what a rimjob is, it’s all he’s been asking for, no matter how many times I say no. I can’t be the only one who finds the thought of licking a butthole disgusting and vomit-inducing. Take the hint, no means no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 294

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 223

You deserved it 4 794

Today, our dog became ill. My mom wasted no time attending her every needs and became very distressed. When I had appendicitis a few months ago, my mom told me to “sleep it off” and a friend had to take me to the hospital. She only called once to bitch at me for “doing this on purpose to make her feel bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 104

Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 197

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 024

You deserved it 2 418

Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 942

You deserved it 5 357

Same thing different taste

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