Kids: Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast... - FML

By nickorion12 - 28/06/2016 14:21 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up setting the kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 620

You deserved it 1 300

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Same thing different taste

Cute but messy

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 00:00

Today, my kids made a mess in the kitchen while trying to make breakfast in bed for me. The mess was bigger than the breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 213

Make it stop

By Elephant1718 - 12/06/2013 01:16 - United States - The Dalles

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 889

You deserved it 3 070

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I got up early to make a surprise breakfast in bed for my partner. As I was carrying the tray into the bedroom, I tripped and spilled the hot coffee all over them. We ended up in the emergency room so they could take a look at the burns I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 203

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 036

You deserved it 601

Cooked

By Un1ucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 291

You deserved it 7 527

That blows

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 23:30

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 204

By thissucks - 21/02/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 572

You deserved it 3 419

Food for thought

By Heather Scurfield - 17/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - Witney

Today, it's my birthday. Since I knew I would be spending it alone, I treated myself to a full cooked Scottish Breakfast. Just as I was plating up, I got carried away and my black pudding slipped out of my tongs and directly into my cat's litter tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 225

Happy nothing, then

By amy - 30/06/2018 19:00

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 634

You deserved it 364

By ahhhhhh - 12/02/2015 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 637

You deserved it 6 500

Next

Top comments

Nathan_Henry 15

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:16

It's the thought that counts

Tripartita 44

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:37

Really, there's no better way to celebrate life than to have it jeopardized in a house fire. If this caused your life to flash before your eyes, just think of it as a commemorative slideshow on your special day!

Comments

Nathan_Henry 15

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:16

It's the thought that counts

teentee401 36

Wednesday 29 June 2016 3:55

Who pissed in your cereal, #7?

mystam4 17

Wednesday 29 June 2016 5:22

yes, & the insurance lol

moodyreallyrocks 27

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:22

Wow appreciate the effort though..

CFL13 12

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:33

That sucks

TheGamerXYZ 19

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:34

I guess this birthday is lit

Tripartita 44

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:37

Really, there's no better way to celebrate life than to have it jeopardized in a house fire. If this caused your life to flash before your eyes, just think of it as a commemorative slideshow on your special day!

holly_fly 34

Wednesday 29 June 2016 3:07

And with this comment, you are one of the greats, at least in my book. XD

anlong93 9

Wednesday 29 June 2016 9:42

#Tripartita2016

bradleybaldwin 9

Wednesday 29 June 2016 2:53

Even though it is the thought that counts, what an unfortunate Mother's Day. Fyl

CheeseClown 1

Friday 30 December 2016 22:52

*birthday*

TweetAnne 13

Wednesday 29 June 2016 3:10

Happy birthday to your mom. It's my mothers birthday today as well and I made a full dinner without burning the house down.

may14th 26

Wednesday 29 June 2016 3:17

Try blowing that out and making a wish!

SasukeKun 16

Wednesday 29 June 2016 3:36

At least they tried.

Dreamer_in_Time 22

Wednesday 29 June 2016 3:41

That's sweet of them, but I'm sure that having a house-sized bonfire isn't your present of choice!

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 57

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 294

You deserved it 9 654

The Top

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 300

You deserved it 3 716

Today, I dumped my boyfriend because I found his OKCupid account. He claimed that he only has it so he can do the quizzes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 125

Today, I bought a shirt for my 5 year-old, which said, "I tried to be good, but I take after my Grandpa!" I thought it was a cute joke, but my mother-in-law said, "So you mean his grandpa isn't good? And that's why your son isn't good?" Despite my husband adding, "She bought this shirt. It was a joke, mom" they're still offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 193

Today, the boss's arrogant son thought it necessary to demonstrate how to use a hole punch while explaining slowly how he wanted things punched. I have worked admin for years, and I'm the contracts admin, not his PA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 139

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 937

You deserved it 2 898

Today, I've not had any contact with my mother for years, and when tornadoes came through our hometown and wiped out most of our downtown area, she didn't contact me at all. I finally contacted her myself. Her reason for not contacting me? She had "watched the news" and "knew I was OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 215