Kids: Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I... - FML

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 3 611

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Same thing different taste

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 2 764

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 379

You deserved it 4 861

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 3 650

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 245

You deserved it 7 768

By paparoach - 21/12/2014 07:59 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 4 908

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 557

You deserved it 4 698

Rude boy

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 615

You deserved it 3 761

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 205

By poormom - 27/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 107

You deserved it 28 918

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 423

You deserved it 10 378

Next

Top comments

jeff_boles 12

Friday 27 March 2015 19:21

When I was a kid I said **** and duck all the time cause they rhymed and I thought I invented a new word.But maybe your son just likes to curse like a sailor!

amberr_harperr 15

Friday 27 March 2015 19:18

kids. they say the darnedest things

Comments

jqmalang 17

Friday 27 March 2015 19:32

Wow, that's very bad. Uhmm... I normally would know what to do but I don't know about this one man..

dawsy 8

Saturday 28 March 2015 0:14

easy, smack the kid and tell them no

SchelleForelle 18

Friday 27 March 2015 19:36

Sounds like a Rapsong :D

jtfrisch 22

Friday 27 March 2015 19:43

Apparently I used to say, **** ****, **** a duck when I was little. It's probably just because it rhymes and it's fun to curse when you're little. Actually it's still fun to curse.

iSnipeFatPeople 18

Friday 27 March 2015 20:08

Yeah in about 6th grade everyone knew the animal rhymes and sex synonyms.

nityasomaiya 46

Friday 27 March 2015 20:56

Uhh, 32, the kid's 3 Thats when cursing becomes an issue

iSnipeFatPeople 18

Saturday 28 March 2015 4:51

He's an early learner!

Eloxia 7

Friday 27 March 2015 19:47

There is a song, to the tune of Row Row Your Boat, which goes "**** **** **** a duck, screw a kangaroo, doggy-style a crocodile. Do the whole damn zoo." Perhaps someone he knows has sung that song to him.

iSnipeFatPeople 18

Friday 27 March 2015 20:10

Where I grew up it went, "****, ****, **** a duck, screw a kangaroo, fingerbang orangutan, you can do it too."

strangerdangerxx 1

Saturday 28 March 2015 8:44

Also grew up with a similar rhyme. Same first two lines, different last two as well. xD "**** **** **** a duck, screw a kangaroo, 69 a porcupine, that's all we like to do." What the heck was wrong with us. I think I was eight at the time. XD

FlutterLoud 29

Sunday 29 March 2015 6:08

That whole thing was so funny, my sister sent me the song and I just about lost it.

FlutterLoud 29

Sunday 29 March 2015 6:09

They added a bunch of versus in one long song , so you are all rght :3 and funny

suicidalfireball 6

Friday 27 March 2015 19:47

but I've never been to Ireland :o

jtfrisch 22

Friday 27 March 2015 19:48

That is exactly where I got that from lol^

kpetrovski 24

Friday 27 March 2015 19:50

Maybe he meant, "Suck a ****?" ... In which case, Donnie Darko.

alexcknott 8

Friday 27 March 2015 19:52

Mhm "no idea"

Bibblejomin 18

Friday 27 March 2015 19:54

"**** a duck" "...**** a duck?" "go **** a duck. **** all teh ducks, **** 10 ducks I dont give a ****" -Arby n' the Chief

HomieBun 13

Friday 27 March 2015 19:55

Pewdiepie.

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The Top

Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 965

You deserved it 2 013

Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 724

The Top

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 704

You deserved it 3 163

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 198

You deserved it 2 181

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 796

You deserved it 2 782

He doesn't like to move it move it.

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 85

Today, I already hate the holidays. My mom has been trying to be helpful, but has severe undiagnosed memory problems that our family ignores. They've also ignored all the house repairs, but have no problem consoling her while she cries how mean I am for missing her party, because I used my vacation time to fix the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 120

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 482

You deserved it 4 944