Kids: Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I... - FML

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

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Same thing different taste

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

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You deserved it 2 764

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

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You deserved it 4 861

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 3 651

In the doghouse

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 16:00

Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

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You deserved it 7 769

By paparoach - 21/12/2014 07:59 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

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You deserved it 4 699

Rude boy

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 616

You deserved it 3 763

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 208

By poormom - 27/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 110

You deserved it 28 918

Next

Top comments

jeff_boles 12

Friday 27 March 2015 19:21

When I was a kid I said **** and duck all the time cause they rhymed and I thought I invented a new word.But maybe your son just likes to curse like a sailor!

amberr_harperr 15

Friday 27 March 2015 19:18

kids. they say the darnedest things

Comments

jqmalang 17

Friday 27 March 2015 19:32

Wow, that's very bad. Uhmm... I normally would know what to do but I don't know about this one man..

dawsy 8

Saturday 28 March 2015 0:14

easy, smack the kid and tell them no

SchelleForelle 18

Friday 27 March 2015 19:36

Sounds like a Rapsong :D

jtfrisch 22

Friday 27 March 2015 19:43

Apparently I used to say, **** ****, **** a duck when I was little. It's probably just because it rhymes and it's fun to curse when you're little. Actually it's still fun to curse.

iSnipeFatPeople 18

Friday 27 March 2015 20:08

Yeah in about 6th grade everyone knew the animal rhymes and sex synonyms.

nityasomaiya 46

Friday 27 March 2015 20:56

Uhh, 32, the kid's 3 Thats when cursing becomes an issue

iSnipeFatPeople 18

Saturday 28 March 2015 4:51

He's an early learner!

Eloxia 7

Friday 27 March 2015 19:47

There is a song, to the tune of Row Row Your Boat, which goes "**** **** **** a duck, screw a kangaroo, doggy-style a crocodile. Do the whole damn zoo." Perhaps someone he knows has sung that song to him.

iSnipeFatPeople 18

Friday 27 March 2015 20:10

Where I grew up it went, "****, ****, **** a duck, screw a kangaroo, fingerbang orangutan, you can do it too."

strangerdangerxx 1

Saturday 28 March 2015 8:44

Also grew up with a similar rhyme. Same first two lines, different last two as well. xD "**** **** **** a duck, screw a kangaroo, 69 a porcupine, that's all we like to do." What the heck was wrong with us. I think I was eight at the time. XD

FlutterLoud 29

Sunday 29 March 2015 6:08

That whole thing was so funny, my sister sent me the song and I just about lost it.

FlutterLoud 29

Sunday 29 March 2015 6:09

They added a bunch of versus in one long song , so you are all rght :3 and funny

suicidalfireball 6

Friday 27 March 2015 19:47

but I've never been to Ireland :o

jtfrisch 22

Friday 27 March 2015 19:48

That is exactly where I got that from lol^

kpetrovski 24

Friday 27 March 2015 19:50

Maybe he meant, "Suck a ****?" ... In which case, Donnie Darko.

alexcknott 8

Friday 27 March 2015 19:52

Mhm "no idea"

Bibblejomin 18

Friday 27 March 2015 19:54

"**** a duck" "...**** a duck?" "go **** a duck. **** all teh ducks, **** 10 ducks I dont give a ****" -Arby n' the Chief

HomieBun 13

Friday 27 March 2015 19:55

Pewdiepie.

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Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

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CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FMLMeghan's website : http://www.kawaiinot.com/ & http://www.murphypop.com/ If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. Bu...

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Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

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Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

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Today, it's so windy, I actually fell over and nearly flew into the street the moment I walked outside. FML

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Today, my mom parked in a handicapped space because, "the Spanish people are taking over everything." FML

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Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

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Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

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