Kids: Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I... - FML

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 3 611

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Same thing different taste

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 2 764

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 379

You deserved it 4 861

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 3 650

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 245

You deserved it 7 768

By paparoach - 21/12/2014 07:59 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 4 908

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 557

You deserved it 4 698

Rude boy

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 615

You deserved it 3 761

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 205

By poormom - 27/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 107

You deserved it 28 918

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 423

You deserved it 10 378

Next

Top comments

jeff_boles 12

Friday 27 March 2015 19:21

When I was a kid I said **** and duck all the time cause they rhymed and I thought I invented a new word.But maybe your son just likes to curse like a sailor!

amberr_harperr 15

Friday 27 March 2015 19:18

kids. they say the darnedest things

Comments

dohdohdoh 13

Saturday 28 March 2015 16:14

That's awesome. Your kid rules. Glad my 3 yr old doesn't do that. Check your partner's swearing

thatsme293 28

Saturday 28 March 2015 17:44

Perfect story for when he brings his first girlfriend over.

imaboy22 3

Saturday 28 March 2015 22:44

does he watch youtube? specifically PewDiePie. I've heard out from some of his videos lol

BlackFire4890 16

Sunday 29 March 2015 4:27

(little yellow minion) WHAaAaAa?

nialls_girl 13

Sunday 29 March 2015 5:23

Monkey see, monkey do.

vigoss_fml 4

Monday 30 March 2015 10:37

maybe Strutter has a part of the blame...

hitkid007 2

Monday 30 March 2015 19:49

movie Dogma (Jay and Silent Bob)

sjimpleton 18

Sunday 26 April 2015 13:41

fun fact: male ducks have corkscrew penises

sally_jangl 13

Saturday 23 May 2015 17:21

sally jangl

ThatGuyBrennen1 13

Wednesday 5 October 2016 3:19

when I read this I though it said **** me daddy.

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Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. They shouted "Surprise!" as I walked into the room. In pure shock, I dropped the groceries I was holding, including a bottle of wine, which shattered. I spent the first 10 or so minutes of my party cleaning red wine and glass off the floor. FML

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You deserved it 89

Hi gang! My name is Julien and I’m very happy to be with you for this week’s brand new illustrated FML. I’m so happy, I feel like rolling about like a turtle. This week, we’re trying something different. As you may know, FML was originally ...

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Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 223

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 341

You deserved it 38 537

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 699

You deserved it 189

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 654

You deserved it 20 162

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 729

You deserved it 4 672

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 336