Kids: Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit...

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 436

You deserved it 16 961

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 559

You deserved it 3 440

By Noname - 04/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 9 224

By applesmama - 17/09/2011 04:36 - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 476

You deserved it 4 687

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 378

You deserved it 4 861

Charming...

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 15:00

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 370

You deserved it 405

Child's play

By Misbah Akhtar - 21/11/2020 12:59 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 376

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year-old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 9 203

By NooOOooOO - 11/10/2017 23:15

Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 037

You deserved it 340

Splosh

By WhosGoingToCleanThisUp - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 062

You deserved it 1 844

By mom - 26/01/2014 04:29 - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 934

You deserved it 10 135

MCVelvet1497 3

Thursday 28 July 2011 12:01

Oh, shit balls.

fricknugget 3

Thursday 28 July 2011 12:01

LMFAO it might be me my new one too!!:P

Comments

jlh2283 1

Saturday 30 July 2011 8:24

shit balls? shit balls? who says that? maybe a dung beetle but everyday ppl, you got problems...

PapSmearNinja 4

Saturday 30 July 2011 14:33

she's a future stand up comic...or crackhead

masqu123 5

Saturday 30 July 2011 17:52

she had to hear it somewhere

cmull 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 4:30

my fav is "**** nuts"

dansco 24

Sunday 31 July 2011 7:32

She rocks! Oh shit balls lol

LauraKilledKenny 0

Monday 1 August 2011 4:52

South Park? I dunno I just get a picture of Cartman in my head when I hear that...

sparkrok 8

Monday 1 August 2011 8:08

now everyone here thinks its bad parenting, but its really just saying everything bad so the kid knows what words not to say...

BeanieBGone 6

Monday 1 August 2011 18:56

Hahah! I think that is hilarious!

mattd23 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 3:49

Oh shit balls

bamboochicken 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 11:39

Say it with a Russian accent

Keywords

Awkward Love Cheating Jewelry Engagement ring Miscellaneous Shopping Technology Kids Scary Pranks Cute Underwear Embarrassing School Education Students College Life Health Ironic Mental health Work Empathy Weddings Annoying University Confused Sex AITA Divorce

The Top

Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 206

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 1 508

The Top

Today, I accidentally sent a sext to my boss instead of my crush. Now I'm in the doghouse at work AND at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 152

Today, I made microwaveable popcorn. When the bag finished popping, I took it out and opened it and put my face in close to get a big whiff. It now feels like I have third degree burns inside my nose and behind my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 123

You deserved it 48 066

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 744

You deserved it 6 386

Today, I used to think all those exhausted mom memes and jokes were just exaggerated bullshit. That was until I found myself struggling to stay awake during my morning poop and still drinking Red Bull on the toilet. The kids need to get ready for school, and I’m a straight up zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 313

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 868

You deserved it 3 371

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 368

You deserved it 272

Same thing different taste

Charming...

Child's play

Splosh

Top comments

Comments