Animals: Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and...

By Wendie - 18/04/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 546

You deserved it 8 590

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 525

You deserved it 3 240

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 471

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 630

By kittykat - 08/08/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 635

You deserved it 8 111

How sweet

By Birdman - 23/06/2018 15:00

Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 743

You deserved it 812

By Pisser - 26/06/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 187

You deserved it 5 723

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 3 371

Warming it up

By Erin - 02/01/2021 20:01

Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 178

By SHIT-BREATH - 05/06/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 497

You deserved it 15 110

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 112

Sammara 0

Monday 18 April 2011 23:18

Why is a FIVE week old puppy sleeping in your bed? They're still really fragile at that age.

wiggs5 0

Monday 18 April 2011 23:16

Aw :) puppies are great!

Comments

Miranday 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:02

As long as the puppy is fine.

FMLsOhilarious 6

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:02

YDI for sneezing. I mean, who does that? Lol jk.

cheer4ever96 8

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:04

your puppy's too small to sleep with...but awwww

choenk 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:05

haha fyl :)

raya_kz 7

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:08

Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha cute:)

TrueStory22 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:08

How cute, a puppy!! I love puppies because they don't piss and poo everywhere...

glitterysnails 7

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:47

what? just what…

Junebugfrenzy 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 19:32

except for on top of you?? haha puppies shit and piss anywhere sweetie. they arent perfect lmfao

DuckfaceSoccerpu 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:08

haha, I'm sorry but, that's HILARIOUS. xD.

TayonaC 10

Tuesday 19 April 2011 22:40

like your picture :)

lmaoatall 6

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:10

his way of telling you to piss off. he doesn't want to listen and obey you. now fetch him his sleepers and a treat.

allieo 1

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:13

awe :)

kykyshay 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:16

aw puppys! :D

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I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 15

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 989

You deserved it 38 578

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 448

You deserved it 3 480

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 520

You deserved it 7 426

Today, my violin broke and I have a recital coming up. I gave it to my friend to give it to the luthier and the luthier has fixed it. I asked my friend to return it to me and they became angry I was asking for too many favours. My recital is tomorrow and I can't get my hands on a violin for at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 275

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 813

You deserved it 1 758

Today, some kid decided to pee in the kids' play area at work. Because I was the shortest employee working at the time, I got to climb through the area to mop it up, while all the kids pointed and laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 409

You deserved it 1 856

Same thing different taste

Wake up call

How sweet

Warming it up

Faulty plumbing

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