Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking...

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 963

You deserved it 12 726

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 864

You deserved it 4 680

Dirty talk

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 234

You deserved it 2 208

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 304

You deserved it 2 763

Hot and heavy

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 438

You deserved it 35 587

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 370

You deserved it 17 911

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 468

You deserved it 11 501

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 069

You deserved it 1 154

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 527

You deserved it 6 870

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 21:05 - Israel

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 882

You deserved it 8 663

Ahem

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 724

You deserved it 78 318

genius_man16 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.

DirtyParkBench 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?

Comments

lilerin 2

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:07

With comments like that, it's no wonder why your other account was banned.

fyourlife33 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:15

thats just all she can manage to type with her weak 15 year old woman brain haha.. and her picture is of a sports team instead of quilting, mopping, or cooking like it should be

Rascal_620 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:19

I'm sorry! I would hate it if my boyfriend did that, if he was horny and you where is girlfriend he SHOULD want a picture of you naked and unlike many girls you where willing to give him one. Who cares what you look like? He should love you no matter what and be turned on by seeing the one he loves naked. If he did that he probibly isn't the one for you.

DirtyParkBench 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:20

Laughing. My. Ass. Off. No you wouldn't.

fyourlife33 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:20

nooo umwat is gone again, and im gonna take a random guess that you're one of the black girls in that picture.. oh and I am at work

umwat3 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:25

Haha, I'm back! If you're wondering why I am on here, I love to laugh and scorn the stupidity of women. I HAVE done something with my life, I am retired now. My wife is young, beautiful, and completely obedient. I have some wonderful kids, I have been blessed with 3 sons. And really, you think a weak girl like you could beat a man like me? If a woman is stronger than a man, she is no longer a woman in real respects.

umwat3 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:29

My comments were removed yet again? Seriously, the moderators must be picking up on my umwat posts. Thank you for crushing the happiness of a 14 year old girl! Just trying to have some fun.