Animals: Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying...

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 793

You deserved it 6 879

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 403

You deserved it 12 871

By MyNameIsNotJeff - 08/05/2015 03:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 224

You deserved it 3 110

Lurker

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 068

You deserved it 3 101

Thanksssss

By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 163

You deserved it 622

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 8 065

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 228

You deserved it 45 480

Snek

By afraidtosleep - 13/10/2012 06:35 - United States - Houston

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 978

You deserved it 6 327

Uh oh

By uh-oh - 25/03/2012 05:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 616

You deserved it 3 736

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 360

You deserved it 3 059

By Anonymous - 02/01/2010 07:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 037

You deserved it 4 691

xthetisx 0

Monday 28 March 2011 23:14

He must be cute, because he's deffinitly not smart

roseydot 0

Monday 28 March 2011 23:15

Guess facing your fears was a load of crap in this case. FYL

Comments

WhateverFloatsYo 0

Monday 28 March 2011 23:23

your boyfriend probably was like, shit! screamed and trapped you in the room with the snake

calebpva 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:00

So that's what they call my penis these days!

QueenOfBoredom 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:13

ohhh nice!

vgameson 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 5:01

I spank myself lmao

iMuffinTop 0

Friday 8 April 2011 20:42

lmao

mazesm 11

Monday 28 March 2011 23:19

Haha

thepirate19 3

Monday 28 March 2011 23:19

date a moron and that's what you get. congrats.

bstha_fml 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:36

true

IdontWanna69 8

Monday 28 March 2011 23:30

Hey you should watch Snakes on a Plane, that will calm your nerves :D

randomreader2315 4

Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:19

Both of them should be locked in a small room with a 10-foot reticulated python.

greenlantern27 6

Monday 28 March 2011 23:34

Why was he trying to cure your snake phobia in the first place? Everyone has a phobia, it's no big deal.

cattykins 0

Monday 28 March 2011 23:22

sounds like something a boyfriend would do...

unhappybitch 8

Monday 28 March 2011 23:26

I hate snakes :(

HarveyHx 0

Monday 28 March 2011 23:36

look honey theres nothing to be (bites) ARGG **** Hold me :(

wisericky 12

Monday 28 March 2011 23:36

your boyfriend it retarded, throwing you in a snake mating frenzy would be much more effective.

ilyfrenchiee 0

Monday 28 March 2011 23:37

smart ass!

james_aka_frosty 3

Monday 28 March 2011 23:52

or a handbag

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The Top

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 49 635

Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 137

The Top

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 557

You deserved it 6 358

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 334

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 132

You deserved it 42 732

Today, I got told I was a bitch because I wouldn’t let a homeless man dig through my dumpster at work, even though he was hungry. We don’t even sell food. I work at a sex store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 217

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 130

You deserved it 3 910

Today, I was asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" so I sent a link to a personalized "Mama" sweatshirt with my kids' names on it. My mother-in-law is now wearing the sweater I sent, with "Grandma" on it with her grand-kids' names. The same personalized one I'd sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 103