Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible...

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 345

You deserved it 87 212

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Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 4 783

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 103

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 981

You deserved it 416 933

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 003

You deserved it 51 214

By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 068

You deserved it 8 506

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 882

You deserved it 73 496

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 052

You deserved it 418

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 466

You deserved it 4 677

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 234

You deserved it 3 744

WinterPerfection 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:00

What if the spine wasn't flexible?!

FriskyTaco 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:01

he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??

Comments

PandaPandy 6

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:57

Why would you even try? lol what if you snapped its back XD

A7XDavis 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:57

haha wow wat would u do if someone bent u backwards? jerkoff...

Legendslayer222 26

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:59

I'm wondering what the hell you were planning on doing to it? Twisting it back to make a full circle to wear as a bracelet?? Luckily you were hurt and not the ferret. Next time, try that with a lion.

Norwegian_Wood 4

Wednesday 29 June 2011 21:02

OP you completely deserved it. You are a dumbass and should never EVER be allowed around animals. You are a ******* idiot.

coloradobaby123 9

Wednesday 29 June 2011 21:04

you dont bend ferrets backwards! omg you couldve killed him ): i have three ferrets and everyone know they bend forward LIKE HUMANS!!!

whatwhyhoo 10

Wednesday 29 June 2011 21:12

The OP was unbelievably stupid to do that to an animal.

inkblotdrummer 6

Wednesday 29 June 2011 21:19

bend. Bend. BEND. *fart*. ahhhhhhh

nephilim241 19

Wednesday 29 June 2011 21:26

This is without a doubt the funniest FML Ive seen in weeks.. that ferret committed epic WIN with its defence mechanism :-D

limblessorphan 4

Wednesday 29 June 2011 21:30

ferret: +1 retard: 0 collective human gene pool: still waiting for more assertive ferrets.

HU4L188 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 21:38

yor a ****** idiot.. u couldve broke its back.. ydi

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The Top

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 6 642

Today, I was wearing a new $500 dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 935

You deserved it 28 850

The Top

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 000

You deserved it 4 223

Today, there was a big snow storm and I wanted to help shovel, so I put on 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 winter coats, 2 pairs of gloves, a hat and a scarf. Once outside, I was told to go back inside because the job was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 054

You deserved it 33 041

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 858

You deserved it 30 269

Today, I almost got in trouble at work, all because I inadvertently referred to a 19 year-old patient’s 47 year-old husband as her father. I didn’t know this until she got so upset that she threw a tantrum, filed a complaint against me, and requested another nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 103

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 841

You deserved it 6 168

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 422

You deserved it 2 794

Same thing different taste

Unpleasant

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