Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible...

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 345

You deserved it 87 212

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 4 783

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 103

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 981

You deserved it 416 933

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 003

You deserved it 51 214

By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 068

You deserved it 8 506

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 882

You deserved it 73 496

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 052

You deserved it 418

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 466

You deserved it 4 677

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 234

You deserved it 3 744

WinterPerfection 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:00

What if the spine wasn't flexible?!

FriskyTaco 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:01

he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??

Comments

gigi03 5

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:59

Thats what you get.. :)

castrosabeast 7

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:00

YDI for listening to your brother

wowlol727 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:01

were u high

Elysian101 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:02

why would you think bending it like that would be a good idea?! You could have easily killed it! just because it has a flexible spine doesn't mean anything. Unbelievable...

taazer 12

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:08

poor ferret, even thouhg it has a flexable spine dont try to see if it is you could have hurt the poor thing!

katieklein 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:10

why would you do that!

8sq 13

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:14

at least it didnt crap all over you

OfficeNinja 5

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:18

you could have killed it. next time just bend yourself backwards, then you will not get clawed in the face.

smallfi 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:23

You clearly hve no clue about animals! You got it coming!

01fuckhead10 14

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:27

what idiot bends a ferret, you really got it comming

Keywords

Kids Money Gifts Awkward Work Coworkers Annoying Miscellaneous Accident Weddings Cute Love Health Sports Ironic Neighbours AITA Erratas Home improvement Cleaning Housework Disappointment Embarrassing Snoring Relatable Family Am I overreacting? Politics Anniversary Food

The Top

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 806

You deserved it 2 563

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 985

You deserved it 5 809

The Top

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 893

You deserved it 14 121

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 593

You deserved it 7 659

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 2 796

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 027

You deserved it 11 936

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me for not closing the door when I pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 1 351

Today, as my friend was rudely rummaging through my phone, she saw a picture of the pottery I've painted her for Christmas. Not only did she see it, but she also declared it ugly. That's probably the present I'm the most proud of this Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 421

You deserved it 2 492

Same thing different taste

Unpleasant

CLAWS

Top comments

Comments