Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible...

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 344

You deserved it 87 205

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Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 4 782

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 102

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 973

You deserved it 416 910

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 51 207

By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 8 506

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 881

You deserved it 73 485

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 418

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 4 677

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 3 743

WinterPerfection 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:00

What if the spine wasn't flexible?!

FriskyTaco 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:01

he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??

Comments

brow276 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:48

******* dick. you could have killed it. bitch.

Beffink 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:50

You could've broken it's spine you bloody idiot. What were you thinking, honestly?

hiscrazygurl1 5

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:59

how about I bend u backwards! jack ass

kitkat98_fml 0

Thursday 30 June 2011 0:29

ferrets are so cute, but why the he'll would you bend the spine backwards? ohh dear.

Allymeme 3

Thursday 30 June 2011 0:38

I wish the ferret would scratched your eyes out. you would have deserved it. talk about cruelty to animals...

Jazattackk 0

Thursday 30 June 2011 0:43

bending a ******* ferret backwards? isnt that like animal abuse?

reachsynthesis 5

Thursday 30 June 2011 0:45

YDI for being a fucktard. You don't bend something randomly just because someone says it's flexible. You're lucky it didn't shit itself all over you.

Kingmort35 4

Thursday 30 June 2011 1:07

@31: derp

Kasse 4

Thursday 30 June 2011 1:18

I'm going to hope it clawed you up real bad so you get a scar, so that you have to explain it and everyone knows how stupid and cruel you are.

padlockd 9

Thursday 30 June 2011 1:29

Well what a sicko you are! The ferret should have clawed out your eyes then chewed your fingers off in your sleep.

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Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 026

You deserved it 4 248

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I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 281

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 529

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I agree, your life sucks 3 163

You deserved it 251

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 442

You deserved it 3 390

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I agree, your life sucks 43 712

You deserved it 3 426

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I agree, your life sucks 64 339

You deserved it 6 251

Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 6 570

Same thing different taste

Unpleasant

CLAWS

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