Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible...

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 344

You deserved it 87 205

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Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 4 782

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 102

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 973

You deserved it 416 910

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 51 207

By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 8 506

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 881

You deserved it 73 485

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 418

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 4 677

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 3 743

WinterPerfection 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:00

What if the spine wasn't flexible?!

FriskyTaco 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:01

he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??

Comments

seraphxchild 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 22:46

wth?! why would you do that!!! what if he had been lying?! YDI.

MinnieM23 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 22:50

that is why you should NEVER listen to your brother:)

turkishjew 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 22:59

I'm callin bs

bbgisbeautifull 1

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:05

stupid! jks

SinfulRose 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:09

your ******* stupid lol

Nm_fml 10

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:18

It's a living animal you asshole!! you deserved to be farted on and bitten!

aardvarkish 15

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:25

It's nothing to be ashamed of. Some one once told me that ferrets have flexible orifices.

Mystery_Machete 2

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:43

#76. Funny story... My grandpa did that. Not quite 20 stories, but probably close. And it did. It survived the fall as well. Also, OP is a she.

zombiekitten87 12

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:47

what the hell is wrong with you?????

Chibiko 9

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:47

If only the ferret had left a scar on your face; a lovely reminder to think with your brain, not your ass. YDI

Keywords

Parenting Miscellaneous Shopping AITA Am I overreacting? Jealousy Social Media Love Kids Pranks Friends Dogs Housework Relatable Work Awkward Embarrassing Transportation Cars Sports Health Accident Mental health Annoying Family Intimacy Sex Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist

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Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chickenpox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 700

You deserved it 321

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 314

You deserved it 40 787

The Top

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 730

You deserved it 3 958

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 693

You deserved it 4 610

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 736

You deserved it 3 487

Today, I got a better job offer out of the blue, more pay, less work. I informally accepted and handed my notice as legally required. They rescinded the job offer. I'm now unemployed at the end of hiring season. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 244

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 042

You deserved it 12 476

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 853

You deserved it 3 758

Same thing different taste

Unpleasant

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