What the actual ****, dad?!

A parent doesn't automatically deserve a child's respect? Really? A true parent, not the soon-to-be on recent FML's, should deserve respect most definitely. You provide for that child, change diapers, feed, bathe, clothes, school, homework, extra curricular activities, college and everything in between. You provide a roof over their head, hot water, electricity, tv, laptop, tablet, cell phone...etc. Please tell me, what more should that parent do to 'earn' the child's respect? Pretend to be their best friend and let them do what they want, when they want, how they want? Yea cuz that will work...I'll go try that now and let you know how it went :/ I agree different methods work on different children but I am not my chilren's best friend nor do I want to be. I am their mom and they need guidance not another friend. Me and my girls have a good relationship and we do have our moments (and their not perfect and neither am I) but they do respect me and the house rules. In return, I am able to trust them.

Well, at least you are fair about it (in a give and take sort of way). Glad to hear that you would never do it yourself. If I am a guy who experiences this, my instant reaction will be to break up with the girl unless I'm deeply in love (relationship has lasted at least two years) or I'm punching well above my weight. Are males really so worthless that they should have to put up with (direct or indirect) death threats just to date a girl? I would hold a bit more value to myself than that. There are plenty of other fish in the sea - who aren't caged in by sharks. Also, I'm not sure I buy this whole "I want to be protective" argument either. I suspect it is about power more than anything else - the feeling of being the big tough hero, under the guise of protection.

I'm not saying that you in particular don't deserve respect, I'm sure you do have a great relationship with your kids. But I don't think just providing for them in a material sense means they should (or will) respect you. You can give a kid all the material things in the world but if you treat them like crap, they will not respect you. I've seen loads of people saying "I don't understand why my child won't listen to me, I'm their parent, they should automatically do what I say" and it kind of doesn't always work like that. I've also got a whole bunch of friends who were given all the material possessions they could ask for* but their parents were overly controlling, emotionally (or physically) abusive, and didn't show them any respect. So they now have a bad relationship with their parents and do not respect them at all. The way I see it, respect is a two way street. You have to respect your kids in order for them to respect you, and try and see things from their point of view. (*note, my friends were not spoiled or demanding, but I saw a lot of their parents trying to buy their kids' love and respect with flashy gifts)

You make a very good point, 104. If a guys immediate reactions is to break up then it's obvious the girl isn't worth it to him. I personally would want someone to think my daughter is worth making the effort to get the dad to like him, more so if the daughter is close to her father. I guess I'm old fashioned. I don't have to like the person my child is with but I would want him to think she is worth the effort.

Nobody said you should be your child's best friend or that you should let them do whatever they want. I think your and your husband's reaction to your daughter's boyfriend was reasonable. But threatening someone you don't know and have only just met for something you don't even know if they've done or will ever do? Really? You would find that funny if it happened to one of your children? All I can say is thank God you're not my mother.

105, I do agree with your comment and no child deserves to be abused or forcibly controlled. However it is still a parents job to control (have rules for) their children.

I think you interpreted my point wrong. If I am a guy in this situation and I met the girl's father after a few weeks of dating and he behaved this way, how am I to know that the girl is worth it? It takes years to really know for sure, but usually you meet each others' parents long before this. To me my life is more valuable, in said situation, I would much rather find a new girl than deal with this monster. Believe me, there are plenty of girls whose fathers have enough self control to respect their daughters' decisions rather than letting their emotions take over and pulling out a knife. If a girl allows her father to behave this way (it sounds like OP is not happy about it, which is a good sign), it means she has no respect for her boyfriend and in fact SHE is the one who is not worth it. If either of my parents threatened my partner in such a way, they would have to profusely apologize to him/her or I would never speak to them again. I think that men are taught to believe that they are so worthless that in order for the privilege of being with a woman they should have to deal with this. Men, you are worth more than that. If it happens to you, and the girl is OK with it, leave her instantly.

If they've only recently started dating, though, they don't even know each other that well unless they happen to have been friends for a long time before. I agree with doggy- I happen to be a girl but if my parents acted like that with my boyfriend, I wouldn't have blamed him for deciding to get out before he got hurt. You never know when someone is actually crazy enough to carry out such a threat. Luckily for me, my parents did the sensible thing: watched to see how he treated me, and then once they were satisfied that he was a great guy, welcomed him as a potential addition to the family.

This guy deserves a father-of-the-year award