Kids: Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother...

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 451

You deserved it 4 166

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Same thing different taste

By verycre8tive - 21/05/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 628

You deserved it 2 728

By unfortunate - 30/06/2013 04:45 - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 150

You deserved it 3 195

This Is Us

By CrackHouseBaby - 16/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 896

You deserved it 6 752

Freaky

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 05:00

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 119

You deserved it 381

By Michael tee - 11/08/2011 20:11 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 374

You deserved it 5 028

News to me

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 20:00

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 183

What's going on?

By Damn - 26/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 162

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 216

You deserved it 6 252

By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 390

You deserved it 5 486

EverestMelting 23

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:38

Your parents seem really open minded. Your dad seems funny as well. Just be happy you're alive!

damn_all 22

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:36

Well hopefully it had no consequences for you.

Comments

PapaSmash 14

Sunday 22 June 2014 2:49

Should've said "thought the few things were just genetically handed down by you dad!" Pat him on the back put aviators on and walk out.

gallowsway92 1

Sunday 22 June 2014 23:10

Oh you too my parents had acid

Awnonymous 4

Wednesday 16 July 2014 15:15

LSD is harmless. Look it up.

Exodiafinder687 58

Saturday 21 March 2015 9:40

I'm going to make my wife drink tea when she is pregnant so that when our baby is born he will have a British accent.

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The Top

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 363

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 372

The Top

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 264

You deserved it 1 761

Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 770

You deserved it 71 619

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 386

You deserved it 34 030

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 703

You deserved it 3 090

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 828

You deserved it 3 371

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 525

You deserved it 5 862