Miscellaneous: Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready...

By Username - 04/04/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 298

You deserved it 44 536

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 17:08 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 256

You deserved it 1 559

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 653

You deserved it 4 132

By ayye_its_nikki - 19/12/2012 05:07 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 544

You deserved it 21 358

Stage 1?

By Waterfalls - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 605

You deserved it 10 853

SO FRUSTRATING

By no one - 19/06/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 311

You deserved it 10 942

By ipayyourbillsgorramit - 24/08/2012 23:29 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 450

You deserved it 1 908

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 163

By M_Kclift1994 - 20/01/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 716

You deserved it 8 485

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 899

You deserved it 11 471

GaryMuzz 4

Monday 4 April 2011 23:01

how about you man up and wake up on your own?

Tuesdays76 0

Monday 4 April 2011 23:02

Well GOOD MORNING! Why drink coffee when you can get smacked in the face with a Night Stand?

Comments

Dp1025 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:30

wtf...my dad does the same thing hahahahahahaha

bbergeron 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:55

an easy*

mzkrizstattz 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:59

this actually happened to me years ago

iDoubtWhales 7

Tuesday 5 April 2011 6:02

Nightstand- 1 Tired person- 0

igotswagger313 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 7:09

to bad its spring break

hsmith1996 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 7:19

dude I live in Kansas

Gift_fml 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 7:35

haha thats what you get aahahah!

sonic19951 6

Tuesday 5 April 2011 9:09

at least that wooke you up! :3

Tenaed 7

Tuesday 5 April 2011 10:34

lmfao

XxSpread_legs_no 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 10:56

it's ok. I do the same. I just never missed mah pillow. lol. the way to do it is get up and close the door. works for me. :]

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The Top

Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won't drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 185

You deserved it 2 950

Today, I was singing loudly in my car at a red light, completely oblivious. When I finished the song, I turned to see a bus full of passengers watching (and also some of them filming) my performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 371

The Top

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 937

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 399

Today, I was meal-planning for the week, and sent my fiancee a grocery list with the stuff I needed. She ignored the list and bought nothing but junk food. I guess we can just eat cookie dough and sugar cereal, and die of diabetes in our fifties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 118

Today, I had a conversation about how my day was, while dreaming. That’s how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 155

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 272

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 327

You deserved it 7 548