Kids: Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism...

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 227

You deserved it 7 103

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Same thing different taste

By dickhead - 10/04/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 170

You deserved it 3 395

Vandals

By Interpid traveler - 07/09/2021 05:01

Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 02:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 315

You deserved it 3 845

By bail? - 29/08/2019 23:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 181

By ilivealoneandwhatthefuck - 23/06/2013 17:02 - Guam - Yigo

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 293

You deserved it 4 336

A good thing? Really?

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 12:00

Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 1 351

Stitched up

By Busted - 26/07/2010 12:26 - South Africa

Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 351

You deserved it 4 890

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 476

You deserved it 9 866

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 330

By icarlymom - 05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year-old daughter comes home, telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had iCarly Happy Meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 604

You deserved it 5 402

thegypsy 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:48

not the gnomes!!!

ThorneCrossed 9

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:55

I met a girl who actually had a sexual fetish for garden gnomes. I wouldn't mind being a gnome, she was cute. Jesus that sounded weird

Comments

LNK112 5

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:26

I don't blame her. Gnomes are pretty badass

sheethapins 13

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:28

So are honey badgers.

Keyman1212 14

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:30

Honey Badger don't give a shit!

RainbowHeadache 2

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:29

This sounds like something I would do, except I would hoard them not break them.

AcidRaen 4

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:35

RANDOOOOOOMMMM COOOOMMMMEEEEENNNNT (;

taytoc 10

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:37

random reply

AcidRaen 4

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:40

random reply to the random reply

AcidRaen 4

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:45

what? that wasn't suppose to go there Dx

redbluegreen 40

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:41

Must be all those hallucinogenic mushrooms.

d10cat 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:43

pretty sure that's off a movie real original

NYkid2K8 5

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:50

The Gnomes probably set her up, cant trust em. Theyre sneaky.

LordGoober 13

Saturday 25 June 2011 3:02

Boners, are all if your profile pics of yourself? Jw

redmnky21 8

Saturday 25 June 2011 3:03

NOT WINKLEBOTTOM!!!

xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7

Saturday 25 June 2011 3:05

gnomes r creepy 

erocketship 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 3:06

This sounds like a TV episode I saw.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, our baby refuses to sleep through the night. My dad told us to play Heavy Metal because it put me to sleep as a baby. We are currently playing "Jekyll and Hyde" by Five Finger Death Punch on repeat and she’s been asleep for 7 hours. Unfortunately, the neighbours are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 182

Today, my husband filed for divorce. He also put himself “In a relationship” with my daughter on Facebook. She turned 18 a few days ago. He says it’s no big deal because, “at least I waited until she was legal.” The spineless idiot just doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 160

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 96

Today, I went to my parents' for dinner, who greeted me outside and immediately my mom said, “What are you wearing? Go to my room and change your shirt.” I was with my husband and I’m 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 139

Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you should pay more bills than me, since you’re taller, you eat more, drink more and your clothes take up more space in the washing machine”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 124

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I agree, your life sucks 37 540

You deserved it 15 491

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I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 289

Today, I felt like surprising my coworkers by bringing donuts. Feeling generous, I got a dozen from the most reputable bakery in town. On my way to the office, I tripped, and the box flew open, scattering donuts everywhere. A group of pigeons swooped in and devoured them before I could recover. I spent $30 on pigeon breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 118

Same thing different taste

Vandals

A good thing? Really?

Stitched up

Pants on fire

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